15 Comments

Thank you for sharing all of this, River.

I haven't changed much in terms of my phone habits since we spoke but I have been more mindful and noticing when it's actually good for me. I feel like I'm going in the "wrong" direction, but at the same time it helps to not see it as this evil thing. For example, this week my daughter had a hard time getting ready for school in the morning. I wanted to add pressure (it was time to go!!) but I knew that would have the opposite effect. So, I scrolled on my phone a bit - a combination of texting with a parent friend and social media scrolling. Was I fully present with her in the most wholesome way? no. Did I yell at her to get ready? also no.

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Hanna, I love how you're exploring ways to be gentle with yourself. We can't always be present! In the case of your daughter, in sounds like you did the best thing for both of you in that moment and transformed what could have been a high pressure situation into something much better. Your daughter was probably relieved to see you scrolling, I'd imagine it made things feel less stressful, and you may have made both of your days better with this one small act.

I think it's all about awareness. As someone without kids, I have the privilege of worrying only about myself. I can put more energy into what I am doing and the choices I'm making. I can be in a bad mood alone, without it affecting anyone. Parents don't have that privilege and in this way I do think the phone can be a tool for lowering stress in certain situations. As you know, there are positive and negative aspects. You're finding some positive ones, which is exactly what this space is made for.

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Thank you - this feels really good and validating to hear.

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I try to keep my phone on “do not disturb” until at least 10 a.m. when I need to start communicating with people. So instead of waking up and chugging a digital beer, now I lay there and feel warm or make coffee. I find the stillness incredibly helpful and important.

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So important!

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I stopped sleeping with my phone beside my bed, leaving it plugged in downstairs at night this week, largely because of this work you're doing, and it has already improved my days. Wildly grateful for everything you do.

I really want to delete my Facebook, but I'm torn because of all the things that are most accessible there — local restaurants, buy and sell groups, event advertising. So I'm on the fence for now, and I keep deleting the app from my phone and reinstalling it. So far I'm making due with StayFree and a particularly difficult "challenge" text that I have to type in to bypass it, limiting me to less than an hour a day across FB, Insta, and Bluesky. Deleting Threads was easy, thankfully, because it was a time eater.

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Less than an hour a day is a HUGE accomplishment!!!

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I tried to reset the colors on my phone a little while ago and it gave me a headache. Do other people have this experience?

(I also need progressive glasses so I’m not sure what’s causing what right now).

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And I’m with you.. maybe because of my adhd… none of the tools work. I just bypass them. Screen time or the Freedom app. The one thing that works is a phone lockbox I got but I barely ever use it and it only works while it’s in the lockbox (of course), so that’s still like 23 hours of phone addiction and my attention span being splintered.

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I can 100% relate! Any apps that let me bypass them I will bypass...like nothing. I do think it has something to do with ADHD. I also think, for me, it's partially because I experienced addiction at a really young age, and therefore am more susceptible to it. But I think many, many people spend hours and hours on their phones without thinking twice, and it cannot be good for us. Even in the past couple days I've noticed my attention span lengthening and just feeling better overall. There is no shame in being super addicted...these devices are engineered to be addictive.

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Well, I am sure I would get a headache if I looked at my phone for longer than five or ten minutes, and for me that's the whole purpose. It's kind of sad, but I really have to make my phone almost unusable. I can barely see the screen and it's not fun to use at all. These settings aren't permanent but I made them this way so I can train myself out of getting sucked into my phone at all. I even broke my Duolingo streak!

At one point I set my phone to grayscale, which made it less exciting. This had worked in the past but I needed something more extreme this time! I also have Safari blocked and zero social media.

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Thank you for this! Will the link be sent to non-paid subscribers too?

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Hi Luna! Which link are you referring to? All the resources I've provided here are for free subscribers, and the additional resources are for paying subscribers.

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Couldn’t agree more with your sentiment on social media and our phones. I recently decided to delete my Instagram account again; hopefully for good. I’m working on decreasing my phone time by using settings such as screen time. Committing to reading more from paper books, performing daily meditation, and listening instead of scrolling or reading on my phone and other digital devices. Yes, I have been struggling with everything that’s going on in our country and the world. I’m doing my best to maintain positive thoughts, compassion, and self care.

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It can be so challenging, especially with everything that's going on. I wish "screen time" worked for me but I just keep hitting that "15 minutes" pop up! So, extreme measures. Hoping the screen time settings work well for you. <3

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