This was so beautifully written. You were able to share parts of your story with such intricacy that I can only imagine was challenging to unravel. Thanks for your vulnerability and I hope you know that this part of your journey was an honor to read!
Thank you so much Corinne. This had all been swirling around for a long time and kind of just poured out today. Thank you for reading and reflecting 💕💕
Thank you for sharing this with such vulnerability. I am constantly amazed at how deeply my own father’s absence has affected my relationships and began crying at the line about your mother’s softening. How many of us are still waiting for someone to show up and instead have chosen ourselves? I’m only 2.5 years into the, I have no interest in a relationships for partnering, but it feels good to pick me.
Thank you so much ❤️❤️ I am glad I'm not waiting anymore, though it's still a journey to fully show up for myself, I've come a long way. Sending warmth to you,
Later this month, I'm getting "all men are false" tattooed on my arm, a quote from my favorite Joan Baez song, "Silver Dagger." It's about a fraught relationship with a father and how that pain bleeds into romantic life.
I used to idolize my father, too. I remember latching onto his arm, which seemed huge, hairy, and mesmerizing. I never wanted to let go. I searched for his love but rarely found anything that resembled it. I was always waiting for him.
I've been single for two years, with no desire to date. While that's mostly due to my recovery and focus on sobriety, I know the toxic relationships I pursued and how I treated myself in them can be traced back to that early dynamic, the waiting.
"My father was a man who didn’t understand children’s worship." What a gut-punch.
Thank you, as always, for your honesty and vulnerability. My father was very present for me and yet I found myself experiencing something very similar to what you describe. I longed for a relationship for most of my life and my deep sense of unworthiness led me to choose men who consistently treated me as a convenience at best and disposable garbage at worst. And yet my longing persisted. I’ve been single for15 years, with one platonic distraction that turned out to be just another mind fuck. In the midst of it all and against the odds, I built a beautiful life for myself. Last year, as I was approaching 59, I realized that somewhere in the last few years that longing dissipated and then disappeared. It’s been such a strange and glorious relief to find myself happily and fully embodying my own life on my own terms. Also- you might check out my friend Mary Emmerick’s Substack The Mountains are calling. She also wrote a firefighting memoir- Fire in the Heart
This was so beautifully written. You were able to share parts of your story with such intricacy that I can only imagine was challenging to unravel. Thanks for your vulnerability and I hope you know that this part of your journey was an honor to read!
Thank you so much Corinne. This had all been swirling around for a long time and kind of just poured out today. Thank you for reading and reflecting 💕💕
Thank you for sharing this with such vulnerability. I am constantly amazed at how deeply my own father’s absence has affected my relationships and began crying at the line about your mother’s softening. How many of us are still waiting for someone to show up and instead have chosen ourselves? I’m only 2.5 years into the, I have no interest in a relationships for partnering, but it feels good to pick me.
Thank you so much ❤️❤️ I am glad I'm not waiting anymore, though it's still a journey to fully show up for myself, I've come a long way. Sending warmth to you,
Ooof, this got me in the heart. I can't wait for your memoir!
Thank you, Nisha!!!
Later this month, I'm getting "all men are false" tattooed on my arm, a quote from my favorite Joan Baez song, "Silver Dagger." It's about a fraught relationship with a father and how that pain bleeds into romantic life.
I used to idolize my father, too. I remember latching onto his arm, which seemed huge, hairy, and mesmerizing. I never wanted to let go. I searched for his love but rarely found anything that resembled it. I was always waiting for him.
I've been single for two years, with no desire to date. While that's mostly due to my recovery and focus on sobriety, I know the toxic relationships I pursued and how I treated myself in them can be traced back to that early dynamic, the waiting.
"My father was a man who didn’t understand children’s worship." What a gut-punch.
Beautiful and achy, thank you for sharing.
Thank you, as always, for your honesty and vulnerability. My father was very present for me and yet I found myself experiencing something very similar to what you describe. I longed for a relationship for most of my life and my deep sense of unworthiness led me to choose men who consistently treated me as a convenience at best and disposable garbage at worst. And yet my longing persisted. I’ve been single for15 years, with one platonic distraction that turned out to be just another mind fuck. In the midst of it all and against the odds, I built a beautiful life for myself. Last year, as I was approaching 59, I realized that somewhere in the last few years that longing dissipated and then disappeared. It’s been such a strange and glorious relief to find myself happily and fully embodying my own life on my own terms. Also- you might check out my friend Mary Emmerick’s Substack The Mountains are calling. She also wrote a firefighting memoir- Fire in the Heart