Thanks for sharing this Anastasia. I seem to have almost no ability to create any sort of routine (or order) in my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD this year, and this has helped to explain a LOT about why I’ve always struggled to stick at things (and why I generally suck at all things Admin-related). My partner and I also have 3 kids under 8yo. Needless to say, I live in a state of significant cognitive overload/overwhelm most of the time. Oh, and I’m also a full-time Teacher who works with 14-15yo’s in a wellbeing-focussed residential program.
Anyway, I’ve accepted the fact that I have many more years ahead of me where I essentially have no choice but to keep working like crazy to keep all the plates spinning. Having children renders you relatively choice-less when it comes to deciding how you’d like to structure your day etc. I certainly don’t get to sleep-in anymore, as much as I’d love to!
I also feel like I’ve had to put my creative life on hold for (quite) a while. I dabble here and there (e.g. painting, drumming, writing), but essentially know I have chosen the parenting path as my prime focus in life for now.
Sometimes I find the lack of freedom and autonomy challenging. But mostly, I just lean into it. And mostly, the good stuff outweighs the hard stuff.
There’s a place for all of us in our respective worlds/societies. I value the contributions of “creatives” even more because I don’t have time to join them...but I can find small snippets in my day to ‘receive’ and appreciate their offerings (words, music, art etc).
I think that parents are creating so much in raising kids. There is a lot of creativity in your life, I'm sure! And I am absolutely sure that you are affecting the teenagers you work with in a very positive way. There are so many wonderful things that come from working with young people. I think that's why I like teaching high-school and undergraduates, and why I love nannying so much. The kids I worked with helped me see things anew all the time.
It sounds like your life is in constant motion. I know that feeling!! I for one am grateful that you take at least some moments to dabble in your own art and enjoy the art of others, and I'm grateful for your reflection and contribution here. <3
yeah i've come to realise I don't have to achieve a perfect balance, just pay attention to my needs. Am I anxious because I have had too much people interaction and need to shut myself up in a room for a few hours, or am I anxious because I haven't gone out much in a week and therefore should visit the (far-off, sadly) library?
Thanks for sharing your routine! It sounds great and very well thought out.
I think I work best in the morning (but not a super early morning).
My mini routine is I move and stretch my arms, neck, and hips gently for about 5 minutes before getting out of bed (still lying down). It seems to reduce the number of times I wake up and have a bad neck pain.
I love this routine and this idea to remove phones. I stopped at an MA in Victorian Lit/English and I don't think I could have the discipline or drive to do a PhD (but it was once a dream). I also realised that more academia would no longer add to my life (maybe intellectually but not financially). I also don't have children and I balance a ful-time editorial job at a publishing/news/data analytics company with freelance clients and creative writing and I'd also consider myself highly productive. Although I imagine your schedule is more gruelling. I don't have the freedom of your afternoons but I work from home full time 35 hours per week (the UK has better work laws and rights than the US) and have 1.5 hour lunch breaks. I wake early to get 1-2 hours of creative writing time before work each day (as it is my best thinking time) and that has worked for me and I give myself evenings off for the most part to relax with my husband.
I constantly question my choice to do a PhD. I'm not sure I would have made the choice knowing what I know now, but once I started it it was (and is) impossible to quit. Mostly because of what you mentioned: anyone doing a PhD likely doesn't have the money to quit a PhD. Plus, the more work I put into it, the more impossible it is to quit! I am not at all sure that I want to stay in academia, to be honest. But I'm learning a lot.
Your schedule sounds like a dream! Editing is so fun (never thought I'd say that). I also think that having a weekly schedule dictated by a job can be really supportive because it creates a routine foundation. I wonder if you feel that way? It's also amazing that you get such long lunches and have the 35 hour work week. I know (as you can tell from my post) that I am a typical workaholic American, but a lot of my work doesn't pay well. Let's hope it pays off (literally :)).
I am definitely happy with my schedule as it gives me balance and my day job means my husband and I are comfortable. We aren't crazy high earners nor are we low earners but we live well within our means and our mortgage will be paid off in 4 years. We prioritise travel over material goods etc. My freelance work gives me bonus spending money, which is nice. I'm sure you'll be amazing at your PhD. When are your classes, exams, and dissertation defence finished? And if you want to get into editorial, you can get in touch with me when you're finished. 🤣
Elaine, you are so sweet. I may just be emailing you...lol. I am in my second year, so I have one more semester of coursework. I'll be reading for prelims this summer and next fall, up until prelims in spring, and then I will be doing dissertation hours! Our teaching load is quite heavy: 2/2. But it's also good to get so much teaching experience, no matter where I go from here. And I do love the classes!
I’m just so impressed by your ability (I wanted to say discipline but that word triggers me) to stay away from your phone for both the morning and evening. Definitely something to admire and work towards for me.
In neurodiversity and chronic illness, your letter was very relatable. That is, I think, why hearing about your routine made me so excited about life! Next fall I’ll finally have a space more my own. And while I can, of course, make changes in my life at any stage, I’m overjoyed to think that I’ll have that experience; I’ll have a room, and I’ll decide everything that enters it. I’ll have meals made by myself to my own tastes. Life is beautiful, and shaping your own is a gift.
Thanks for sharing this Anastasia. I seem to have almost no ability to create any sort of routine (or order) in my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD this year, and this has helped to explain a LOT about why I’ve always struggled to stick at things (and why I generally suck at all things Admin-related). My partner and I also have 3 kids under 8yo. Needless to say, I live in a state of significant cognitive overload/overwhelm most of the time. Oh, and I’m also a full-time Teacher who works with 14-15yo’s in a wellbeing-focussed residential program.
Anyway, I’ve accepted the fact that I have many more years ahead of me where I essentially have no choice but to keep working like crazy to keep all the plates spinning. Having children renders you relatively choice-less when it comes to deciding how you’d like to structure your day etc. I certainly don’t get to sleep-in anymore, as much as I’d love to!
I also feel like I’ve had to put my creative life on hold for (quite) a while. I dabble here and there (e.g. painting, drumming, writing), but essentially know I have chosen the parenting path as my prime focus in life for now.
Sometimes I find the lack of freedom and autonomy challenging. But mostly, I just lean into it. And mostly, the good stuff outweighs the hard stuff.
There’s a place for all of us in our respective worlds/societies. I value the contributions of “creatives” even more because I don’t have time to join them...but I can find small snippets in my day to ‘receive’ and appreciate their offerings (words, music, art etc).
I think that parents are creating so much in raising kids. There is a lot of creativity in your life, I'm sure! And I am absolutely sure that you are affecting the teenagers you work with in a very positive way. There are so many wonderful things that come from working with young people. I think that's why I like teaching high-school and undergraduates, and why I love nannying so much. The kids I worked with helped me see things anew all the time.
It sounds like your life is in constant motion. I know that feeling!! I for one am grateful that you take at least some moments to dabble in your own art and enjoy the art of others, and I'm grateful for your reflection and contribution here. <3
yes to not going out at night if i want to write the next day! i have limited energy. though i think my problem is more that I don't go out enough...
Lol I can relate to this Unmana!!! It is almost impossible for me to find a balance.
yeah i've come to realise I don't have to achieve a perfect balance, just pay attention to my needs. Am I anxious because I have had too much people interaction and need to shut myself up in a room for a few hours, or am I anxious because I haven't gone out much in a week and therefore should visit the (far-off, sadly) library?
Thanks for sharing your routine! It sounds great and very well thought out.
I think I work best in the morning (but not a super early morning).
My mini routine is I move and stretch my arms, neck, and hips gently for about 5 minutes before getting out of bed (still lying down). It seems to reduce the number of times I wake up and have a bad neck pain.
Stretching in bed is such a great idea!
I love this routine and this idea to remove phones. I stopped at an MA in Victorian Lit/English and I don't think I could have the discipline or drive to do a PhD (but it was once a dream). I also realised that more academia would no longer add to my life (maybe intellectually but not financially). I also don't have children and I balance a ful-time editorial job at a publishing/news/data analytics company with freelance clients and creative writing and I'd also consider myself highly productive. Although I imagine your schedule is more gruelling. I don't have the freedom of your afternoons but I work from home full time 35 hours per week (the UK has better work laws and rights than the US) and have 1.5 hour lunch breaks. I wake early to get 1-2 hours of creative writing time before work each day (as it is my best thinking time) and that has worked for me and I give myself evenings off for the most part to relax with my husband.
I constantly question my choice to do a PhD. I'm not sure I would have made the choice knowing what I know now, but once I started it it was (and is) impossible to quit. Mostly because of what you mentioned: anyone doing a PhD likely doesn't have the money to quit a PhD. Plus, the more work I put into it, the more impossible it is to quit! I am not at all sure that I want to stay in academia, to be honest. But I'm learning a lot.
Your schedule sounds like a dream! Editing is so fun (never thought I'd say that). I also think that having a weekly schedule dictated by a job can be really supportive because it creates a routine foundation. I wonder if you feel that way? It's also amazing that you get such long lunches and have the 35 hour work week. I know (as you can tell from my post) that I am a typical workaholic American, but a lot of my work doesn't pay well. Let's hope it pays off (literally :)).
I am definitely happy with my schedule as it gives me balance and my day job means my husband and I are comfortable. We aren't crazy high earners nor are we low earners but we live well within our means and our mortgage will be paid off in 4 years. We prioritise travel over material goods etc. My freelance work gives me bonus spending money, which is nice. I'm sure you'll be amazing at your PhD. When are your classes, exams, and dissertation defence finished? And if you want to get into editorial, you can get in touch with me when you're finished. 🤣
Elaine, you are so sweet. I may just be emailing you...lol. I am in my second year, so I have one more semester of coursework. I'll be reading for prelims this summer and next fall, up until prelims in spring, and then I will be doing dissertation hours! Our teaching load is quite heavy: 2/2. But it's also good to get so much teaching experience, no matter where I go from here. And I do love the classes!
It sounds like you face challenges with RA and autism but thanks for sharing how you've managed to overcome obstacles with this routine. 🥰🤩
I’m just so impressed by your ability (I wanted to say discipline but that word triggers me) to stay away from your phone for both the morning and evening. Definitely something to admire and work towards for me.
In neurodiversity and chronic illness, your letter was very relatable. That is, I think, why hearing about your routine made me so excited about life! Next fall I’ll finally have a space more my own. And while I can, of course, make changes in my life at any stage, I’m overjoyed to think that I’ll have that experience; I’ll have a room, and I’ll decide everything that enters it. I’ll have meals made by myself to my own tastes. Life is beautiful, and shaping your own is a gift.