So grateful to read this today. I have been thinking a lot about a choices I made as a young woman that made me severely unhappy, and being told--by friends and family-- "you made this bed..." or "how funny--because this was your choice." I.e., if it's a choice made freely, how can you be unhappy? As if we--as women--should always know and be clear about what we want.
Free will is only free for those who have power in society. The choice I made was informed by patriarchy, internalized misogyny, etc. It was no choice--it was a bed I made in order to please, to sacrifice as we are conditioned as women to always do. I think about that phrasing so often--how many things we are told as aphoristic truths that only apply to those with power in society--and maybe not even then, because we are all living under the constraints of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. oof.
Freya, this is such a powerful reflection. It is so easy to blame ourselves- and of course taking responsibility for our decisions is important- but also when we’re at the mercy of internalized ideas and, well, what we think we can do. What we’ve been told is possible for us and what’s actually possible. It can be hard for people who have had certain freedoms, be they financial, familial, racial, gendered- whatever- to understand why others would “choose” to harm themselves or stay in abuse etc. But as you said here, it’s not a conscious choice when the options are limited in so many ways. Sending love to our younger selves- we were doing our very best. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes we get so caught up in our first world problems that we forget what truly matters and all we have to be grateful for. Keep inspiring us.
You cracked me open with this today Anastasia. I am sooo grateful for this. I have never experienced homelessness or drug addiction but I'm a vocal advocate for those experiencing homelessness and precarious housing as well as addiction and mental health issues here in my small community. We have a large homeless population are are primarily Indigenous, many survivors or intergenerational survivors of Canada's deplorable Indian Residential School system, colonoliasm, and racism. I needed this today. Our Coaltion, a group called Kenora Moving Forward are having to close down our CommUNITY Space where we have welcomed the street community, given them access to basic needs, shelter, washrooms, food but most importantly a place where they are seen. It's due to lack of community support and funding, certianly not the love and commitment of our small core. BUT I found a worthy grant and have been mulling passing on writing it because I'm damn tired and busy. But you've reminded me of the importance of carrying on and doing what I can. So many of your words inspired me but I stopped short here: "They are the same world. I have lived in both, and been someone who is both an accomplished writer but also who was more than once spat on and treated like less than an animal by passerby." In advocating and openly supporting our unhoused, I have been "spat on" too, figuratively. I can handle it but it's a reminder that we are all in this together. Again, my deepest gratitude for this important reminder and story.
Leanne, thank you. The gratitude is mutual. I feel so lucky that you took the time to write this, because it's not often that I get to feel as a writer that I am having a tangible impact on people's lives. Thank you for applying for the grant. I hope you get it. One of the biggest reasons I write about having been homeless is because it is SO EASY to lose our humanity in the face of suffering, especially when it's on such a large scale and feels so, so complex. Thank you for all the work you've done and are doing, especially for those who have been profoundly hurt by racist policies and colonization. It's a shame the Canadian government isn't taking more accountability and helping fund programs like yours, but thank goodness for people like you and so many others who work to create equity and promote recovery.
Thank you for writing this. I needed this reminder this morning. Sometimes I feel so damn isolated and alone, and it is always helpful to be reminded that connection is possible. Maybe not right where I am, and maybe not right now, but still, possible.
I also am left reflecting on the immense anger and self-denial it must take for a person to want to spit on another who is doing nothing but reaching out, asking for assistance. It is such a precarious balance, to want to understand where such a person's hatred comes from, but to not want to invest so much in that curiousity that the very real person on whom their rage is released, is not forgotten.
I thank you for sharing this reality of yours with the rest of us.
Thank you LC. Sending you some warmth and virtual companionship. You are not alone!! And some people (most people) are just impossible to figure out (even to themselves).
thank you for sharing this, for your relentless kindness and desire for justice, and also for sharing that podcast. Poetry is one of the few things I use podcasts for, and I need this.
Sorry to hear about the covid. It's very much going around right now and lots of folks I know are getting hit. I know what you mean about needing to check in with the newsletter, too! Glad you did.
So grateful to read this today. I have been thinking a lot about a choices I made as a young woman that made me severely unhappy, and being told--by friends and family-- "you made this bed..." or "how funny--because this was your choice." I.e., if it's a choice made freely, how can you be unhappy? As if we--as women--should always know and be clear about what we want.
Free will is only free for those who have power in society. The choice I made was informed by patriarchy, internalized misogyny, etc. It was no choice--it was a bed I made in order to please, to sacrifice as we are conditioned as women to always do. I think about that phrasing so often--how many things we are told as aphoristic truths that only apply to those with power in society--and maybe not even then, because we are all living under the constraints of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. oof.
Freya, this is such a powerful reflection. It is so easy to blame ourselves- and of course taking responsibility for our decisions is important- but also when we’re at the mercy of internalized ideas and, well, what we think we can do. What we’ve been told is possible for us and what’s actually possible. It can be hard for people who have had certain freedoms, be they financial, familial, racial, gendered- whatever- to understand why others would “choose” to harm themselves or stay in abuse etc. But as you said here, it’s not a conscious choice when the options are limited in so many ways. Sending love to our younger selves- we were doing our very best. ❤️
I love that--and how much we need to be reminded to send love to those younger selves. 💜
Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes we get so caught up in our first world problems that we forget what truly matters and all we have to be grateful for. Keep inspiring us.
Thank you so much for reading, Robin, and these lovely words 💕
You cracked me open with this today Anastasia. I am sooo grateful for this. I have never experienced homelessness or drug addiction but I'm a vocal advocate for those experiencing homelessness and precarious housing as well as addiction and mental health issues here in my small community. We have a large homeless population are are primarily Indigenous, many survivors or intergenerational survivors of Canada's deplorable Indian Residential School system, colonoliasm, and racism. I needed this today. Our Coaltion, a group called Kenora Moving Forward are having to close down our CommUNITY Space where we have welcomed the street community, given them access to basic needs, shelter, washrooms, food but most importantly a place where they are seen. It's due to lack of community support and funding, certianly not the love and commitment of our small core. BUT I found a worthy grant and have been mulling passing on writing it because I'm damn tired and busy. But you've reminded me of the importance of carrying on and doing what I can. So many of your words inspired me but I stopped short here: "They are the same world. I have lived in both, and been someone who is both an accomplished writer but also who was more than once spat on and treated like less than an animal by passerby." In advocating and openly supporting our unhoused, I have been "spat on" too, figuratively. I can handle it but it's a reminder that we are all in this together. Again, my deepest gratitude for this important reminder and story.
Leanne, thank you. The gratitude is mutual. I feel so lucky that you took the time to write this, because it's not often that I get to feel as a writer that I am having a tangible impact on people's lives. Thank you for applying for the grant. I hope you get it. One of the biggest reasons I write about having been homeless is because it is SO EASY to lose our humanity in the face of suffering, especially when it's on such a large scale and feels so, so complex. Thank you for all the work you've done and are doing, especially for those who have been profoundly hurt by racist policies and colonization. It's a shame the Canadian government isn't taking more accountability and helping fund programs like yours, but thank goodness for people like you and so many others who work to create equity and promote recovery.
Thank you for writing this. I needed this reminder this morning. Sometimes I feel so damn isolated and alone, and it is always helpful to be reminded that connection is possible. Maybe not right where I am, and maybe not right now, but still, possible.
I also am left reflecting on the immense anger and self-denial it must take for a person to want to spit on another who is doing nothing but reaching out, asking for assistance. It is such a precarious balance, to want to understand where such a person's hatred comes from, but to not want to invest so much in that curiousity that the very real person on whom their rage is released, is not forgotten.
I thank you for sharing this reality of yours with the rest of us.
Thank you LC. Sending you some warmth and virtual companionship. You are not alone!! And some people (most people) are just impossible to figure out (even to themselves).
Yes, I suppose that's true.
thank you for sharing this, for your relentless kindness and desire for justice, and also for sharing that podcast. Poetry is one of the few things I use podcasts for, and I need this.
Thank you Unmana 💕💕
Great post, so full of humanity. And I will check out Major Jackson, who is new to me. Finally, always good to see something by Courbet. Thank you!
Thank you Jeffrey!
Sorry to hear about the covid. It's very much going around right now and lots of folks I know are getting hit. I know what you mean about needing to check in with the newsletter, too! Glad you did.
thank you so much, Andrew!