Your writing made a lot of sense. I am exactly that person who says yes to everyone, takes care of their needs at the cost of their own and is hyper vigilant about her surroundings and people she's with. I don't remember my parents being demanding except for one occasion where I yelled I love you to my mother who was angry. I'm working through all this in therapy now. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you so much for reading Kalpana. I think almost everyone I know struggles with this in one way or another and imo it is a sign of progress to even recognize the struggle. Therapy has helped me sooo much and I hope it’s helpful for you, too.
All of this really resonated with me and reminded me that I have a lot of work to do to feel whole, and it’s important work if I want to have healthy relationships with the people I love. Attending Al Anon meetings has been a great experience in teaching me about setting boundaries and putting myself first.
Al Anon is so amazing, I agree. Every time I go to a meeting I learn more about how loving it is to take full responsibility for myself and not for others. Sending warmth your way, Carmella.
This was excellent as usual and resonated greatly with me. I, too, have diminished myself a lot to please others, and weirdly, it has gotten worse since I've left my home state and feel more desperate for friends and belonging. (Also the pandemic has not made socializing any easier!) I'm still learning to put myself first. I've gotten a smidge better, valuing my alone time in my apartment, but sometimes I get so bored and lonely I'll take any invitation from anyone rather than burrowing deeper into myself. Baby steps, I guess. Can you host a discussion about this? lol
Ooooh a discussion! It would be a good one. And yes- it is hard to have boundaries like that when you’re feeling lonely and isolated. I totally get that. I went through a few friendships where I really had to just let go, not because there was anything wrong w the people but because I knew we weren’t a great fit, friendship-wise. And then I am able to make more space for the folks that really resonate with me. But I still spend a lot of time alone!
Your writing made a lot of sense. I am exactly that person who says yes to everyone, takes care of their needs at the cost of their own and is hyper vigilant about her surroundings and people she's with. I don't remember my parents being demanding except for one occasion where I yelled I love you to my mother who was angry. I'm working through all this in therapy now. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you so much for reading Kalpana. I think almost everyone I know struggles with this in one way or another and imo it is a sign of progress to even recognize the struggle. Therapy has helped me sooo much and I hope it’s helpful for you, too.
All of this really resonated with me and reminded me that I have a lot of work to do to feel whole, and it’s important work if I want to have healthy relationships with the people I love. Attending Al Anon meetings has been a great experience in teaching me about setting boundaries and putting myself first.
Al Anon is so amazing, I agree. Every time I go to a meeting I learn more about how loving it is to take full responsibility for myself and not for others. Sending warmth your way, Carmella.
This was excellent as usual and resonated greatly with me. I, too, have diminished myself a lot to please others, and weirdly, it has gotten worse since I've left my home state and feel more desperate for friends and belonging. (Also the pandemic has not made socializing any easier!) I'm still learning to put myself first. I've gotten a smidge better, valuing my alone time in my apartment, but sometimes I get so bored and lonely I'll take any invitation from anyone rather than burrowing deeper into myself. Baby steps, I guess. Can you host a discussion about this? lol
Ooooh a discussion! It would be a good one. And yes- it is hard to have boundaries like that when you’re feeling lonely and isolated. I totally get that. I went through a few friendships where I really had to just let go, not because there was anything wrong w the people but because I knew we weren’t a great fit, friendship-wise. And then I am able to make more space for the folks that really resonate with me. But I still spend a lot of time alone!
This is so powerful and speaks deeply to me. Thank you for sharing