Mothering

Being a Mother, Not Being a Mother, Being Estranged from Mothers, and Mothering Oneself.

I will never experience Mother’s Day as a mother, but I have loved many children, and helped to raise many children, and supported many mothers as a nanny. I have dedicated years of my life and thousands of hours of energy to loving and raising children, treating children with respect, and being brought to my edge by children (and their parents).

Despite this work, no one will ever call me a mother, because I will never birth a child.

What does it mean to be a mother? What does it mean to mother a child? Is mothering inextricably linked to birthing a child, as we are taught to believe? Is a mother’s child any less their child if they did not originate inside that mother’s womb? Or if they didn’t drink milk from the mother’s body? Or if they have not torn that mother apart? Or if the child’s mother takes some space? Or if the child’s mother has boundaries? Or if the child’s mother teaches the child through action that sacrifice is the only way?

Please don’t tell me I don’t know what mot…