25 Comments
Nov 12Liked by River Selby (they/them)

It is still too enormous of a struggle for me to accept the notion that there is more that unites us than divides us. I can not get past the immense evil within those that cast a vote for Republicans, nor can I get past the immense indifference within those that never voted.

I fear that the immense heartbreak I have for this country and world may be permanent, though I try to continue with all the self-care I can muster. I can't sleep and my disordered eating has been triggered. Distraction is what I am leaning on right now and your words have offered a bit of that.

Expand full comment
author

Sending you so much love, Sharyn, and holding space for all of this. It's okay. It's okay if you can't. More than anything, we must tend to ourselves and take care of ourselves first. I am so sorry you are struggling and just know that you are not alone in these struggles. I hope sleep comes soon, and regularly. And I am in solidarity with you in the ED struggle. <3

Expand full comment
Nov 12Liked by River Selby (they/them)

Same Sharyn 🫶🏻

Expand full comment

On the indifference front, i wonder if this might help: https://substack.com/@drdevonprice/note/p-148497279?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=n59wz

Expand full comment

Not at all helpful. The choice between good over evil and love over hate was clear. Not voting signals that you were fine with the destruction of democracy since you saw no point in participating.

Expand full comment
author

What I got from this shared article was information about the barriers to voting, and how that is by design in our country. I know that this subject is high emotion- but let's make sure to be careful about how we address and speak to one another. A "you" can sound accusatory in response to someone's comment. I can guarantee that everyone in this little newsletter community is trying to be helpful, so please make sure to give grace to one another <3

Expand full comment
Nov 13Liked by River Selby (they/them)

Huh, I should have put quotation marks around the word "you" as it was meant as a general term. I will restate as "Not voting signals that a person is fine with the destruction of democracy since that person saw no point in participating."

Expand full comment
Nov 13Liked by River Selby (they/them)

I did read your “you” as a generalization, not a personal attack. I did vote, but i found the article informative and helpful in expanding my understanding of why many people do/did not.

Expand full comment
Nov 14Liked by River Selby (they/them)

I really do appreciate your kind reply and thank you for putting my mind at ease.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Sharyn! I am just hypervigilant about these things, so please don't take it personally. <3

Expand full comment

Okay.

Expand full comment
Nov 12Liked by River Selby (they/them)

Aye to all of this and much love to you too River. 💜

Expand full comment
author

So much love back to you, Swarnali <3

Expand full comment
Nov 13Liked by River Selby (they/them)

I admire your persistent faith in the goodness of people. I don't share that faith - can't share it - but I think we're basically on the same side of history here, and I am thankful for those like you who are articulating so much of the work that so many of us are doing in the aftermath of last week's events. Be safe and be well. 💛

Expand full comment
author

I totally understand, Savannah, and I definitely have my moments- especially being a neurodivergent nonbinary person living in Florida. I don't believe everyone is good. I do believe most people act from a place of wanting to be good, but sometimes wanting to be seen as good gets in the way of actually doing good. My voice is one of so many, so I have to write what feels true to me, and what feels helpful to this community. I didn't want to write a piece about the horrors, because I feel like there's enough of that out there. But I know about the horror of what is happening, viscerally. I very much appreciate your comment and all the incredible folks expressing themselves openly and in intelligent ways around this topic. <3

Expand full comment
Nov 12Liked by River Selby (they/them)

🫶

Expand full comment
Nov 12Liked by River Selby (they/them)

thank you for this, River. Thank you for reaching out with your words and offering connection.

Expand full comment
author

<3 <3 <3 we have each other. <3 <3 <3

Expand full comment
Nov 12Liked by River Selby (they/them)

we certainly do! and the communities we cultivate, online and in-person, are worth so so so much.

Expand full comment

You had me all the way up to the point about hope and fear and living in the now. And... you're not wrong. Pema Chodron is not wrong. I know that. I really do.

But. As a trans person who struggled for so long with being able to believe that I had any future at all, hope (for me) feels very different. Hope is the possibility that I might exist tomorrow. It's some future version of myself reaching back through time to reassure me, to ask me to trust in myself, and to believe that something else is possible. Maybe I'm just using the word hope to capture something that should be labelled differently, but even the fear and dread that I'm currently facing is some thread of a possible future that I am relentlessly tugging on to know that this place in which I exist now contains even some small possibility of persisting.

Okay, so facing my own impermanence just plain feels scary today. Maybe I'll feel different about it another day.

Expand full comment
author

Robin, I am right there with you. Honestly it took me years to agree with Pema- because Hope is how I survived, and hope can be a survival tool when we need it. After some serious self-inquiry, I realized that I needed hope as a child, when there was no one to turn to, but don't always need it now. And that it's tenuous- a fantasy. But sometimes we need the fantasy. Hope is a great tool for envisioning something different and better for ourselves, and as a writer hope helps me create worlds- I think it can be so useful if we understand how we are using it, you know? And, well, like I said. Sometimes we must rely on hope for our survival.

Expand full comment
Nov 12Liked by River Selby (they/them)

🧡🧡🧡

Expand full comment
author

<3

Expand full comment
Nov 12Liked by River Selby (they/them)

❤️

Expand full comment

I have, in the past, learned a lot by reading Chödrön. That being said, I have also found many of her ideas - like those of many, if not most, of the more popular writers who interpret Buddhist concepts from a Eurocentric perspective - to be bound up, to some degree, in a certain amount of privilege and loyalty to status quo systems of power. In the case of hope, there tends to be a presumtion that things are fine as they are, and our work is to be accept the reality we live in. While marginalized folks would do well to acknowledge reality, accepting it and not resisting the burden of oppression is not going to serve us. The way writers like Chödrön interpret these ideas can indeed be helpful, but the medicine they offer is designed for those with privilege. This is not to say I think her ideas are unworthy of consideration. I just think that for anyone who carries the burden of any flavor of systemic oppression, these ideas have to be considered with the understanding that there are limits on how they might apply, or be helpful to us. Regarding hope, I understand where Chödrön is coming from. I find some merit in the idea, and also know the context in which she teaches. For myself, I feel it necessary to remember that Chödrön has spent the bulk of her time studying and teaching within the Shambhala community, and has allegedly been complicit to some degree in enabling the patterns of predatory abuse that have been found to be longstanding there. Knowing that context, I am wary of internalizing any teaching she offers about the wisdom of accepting rather than resisting one's current circumstances. Where hope is concerned, what resonates much more for me is the vision described by activists such as Alice Wong*. In her interpretation, hope is a prerequisite for resistance, the idea being that to find the motivation, energy, and courage, to resist, we have to have a vision of what we want in place of that which we are resisting. Hope is not a bypass we use to deny the reality we are living. Rather, it is a knowledgable awareness of the profound injustices of the world, that also holds the possibility of liberatory change. We don't want to be deluded by unrealistic wishes, and this kind of hope is not that. It is an awareness that while nothing is certain, and we may not get what we want, the possibility - the potential - exists for change. If we don't believe in the possibility, what point is there in resisting? And we have to resist. Liberation requires that of us.

* I am referring here to the ideas expressed in the "Resistance and Hope Anthology, edited by Wong. https://disabilityvisibilityproject.com/resist/

Expand full comment