I'm glad you're writing about this. Over and over I'm surprised by how easily so many people assume there are family members to help one out in a financial crisis, or struggle. I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. "Maybe your parents can help you over the rough patch." Uuuuhhhh ... no. Some of us do not come from families with that capability! I'd wager that most of us don't! But that's not who controls the narrative, which makes your voice here SO important.
Thank you Antonia. It's wild to me that people have such a hard time understanding that others have different circumstances and have no safety net. I also agree that the majority of people in the U.S. have no safety net— it's just statistics, right? Most of America is living in poverty or one step away from poverty. I wish this could bring us together more as a country rather than separate us, but that's how the scarcity mentality works, as you know. So many people aspire to get rich rather than being part of their community or working together so everyone has enough.
Very true, and those with power and voice and platform are generally those who benefit from keeping divisive messages going. Not all, but probably most.
I’ve learned twice now the drastic difference in working for startups where the founder has never felt financial insecurity (nor paid for college, not grappled with debt). They just don’t manage things or make decisions in the same way. They don’t have this urgency to innovate in order to grow the company to keep the lights on because their lights have never been turned off. They’ve never gone hungry or had to decide between tampons or having paper towels in the kitchen.
So yes brava for talking about this issue. When I had a dissociative break and couldn’t work, all I could think was how goddamn lucky I was to be married. That being married to a kind person was my only line between me and utter ruin. AndI couldn’t stop thinking about how many of my friends would be homeless in 30 days or less if the same happened to them.
Amanda, I am so, so glad you were (and are) married to a kind person who could support you when you needed it. We all deserve that! Or to be married to a society that supports us.
I had a similar experience as a nanny. I worked in childcare for two decades. The folks who couldn't pay me a lot were the best to work for. So many of the families I worked for (with a couple exceptions) were wealthy and privileged. They would take everything they could get from me. It was called "job creep" in the nanny community. First they'd ask me to stay five minutes late, then I'd be staying an hour late (unpaid). First I'd clean up the kitchen, then I'd be doing all the laundry. They didn't even notice they were doing it because they were so accustomed to being served and rarely thought about the people who served them.
"They’ve never gone hungry or had to decide between tampons or having paper towels in the kitchen." So much yes. There are far, far too many people living in precarity or just on the edge of it.
A few months ago an old man on the bus stop asked if he could borrow my phone while we were waiting for the bus. I dialed the number, he talked with someone for around ten minutes. The conversation was heartbreaking. I don't know who the other person was, maybe a family member, or a friend, but it didn't sound as if they were going to offer any particular help. The old man was explaining how he'd been at the hospital and hadn't eaten anything since they had let him out. He was unable to cash his disability check because the account had gone into overdraft and he didn't know how to pay his rent, which was due. He seemed so tired. As the bus came I fished out a 20$ bill and offered it as I took back my phone, saying I hope things work out. He said thank you. I think of him really often. There are more and more homeless people here in Montreal. People say 'oh well there are shelters, there are programs, they get food, they are fine'. They are not fine. We need to stop looking at other people as if they are a different species to us. None of us would be fine in that position. If our kids were in that position.
Thank you so much for sharing, Lidija. And thank you for helping that man. Letting someone use a phone is such a small gesture but can have a great impact. I think we get overwhelmed and think that what we do doesn't matter, but the smallest of gestures can really change someone's day, week, or life. <3
I think about this all the time. The one interaction with a homeless person that impacted me the most was meeting a lady who was asking for change on a busy street in Toronto, around 7 years ago while I was living there briefly. She was in a wheelchair with both legs partially amputated, I think she said it was because of untreated diabetes. It was a crazy hot day and as I fumbled around for some coins I just asked her how she was getting on with the heat, because it was horrid and she was out there the whole day... We exchanged just like two or three sentences and as I walked away she shouted after me 'THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING ME!' And I swear that sentence tore me all the way up. Like it wasn't the few coins it was just the fact of being treated like a person.
And I don't tell this to brag because I have passed by lots of homeless people without acknowledging them, sometimes I'm in a hurry, sometimes I don't have anything and don't want to get their hopes up, sometimes it's just uncomfortable. I'm not some great amazing person. I look the other way a lot, there are tons of homeless people in our area and I just physically couldn't take the time to be kind to everyone, nor do I always have it in me. But her words echo in my head so often just randomly. To live a life where most of the time you don't get acknowledged as a person. I think most of us can't imagine it.
Community is everything. Especially when you don't have a strong family supporting you. I'm an artist with not a lot of money, and I can't support you financially, I struggle with supporting myself too, but I send you the biggest hug from overseas. I hope you'll find a stability one day! Hugs from France.
Giorgia- I am sending you a big hug right back. You are supporting me by reading my work and engaging, and I'm grateful for your voice. I hope you also find some stability and enough to support yourself. <3
Thank you for writing about this reallly important issue. 🫶🏻 it’s devastating that so many US policies give more rights to unborn humans than existing ones. 😱🙈
I was homeless for 6 months after I fell on ice at work. I couldn’t leave the state or I would lose my possibility for workmen’s comp. (I didn't get it.) I didn’t know anyone, didn’t have any money (a dental emergency a few months earlier and then a move had used all my money) and couldn’t go anywhere.
now my social security is 25% under the poverty level. the cheapest apartment here is twice what I get a month.
oh, and I was a nurse. but hurt, I had no worth. still don’t. until I make money, I guess.
thank you and I agree. (I was really upset about that ruling when I wrote this.) I'm not struggling because I live with a relative and didn't mean to say that I am. but none of us should be one person away from homeless.
Thank you for writing this. I was also dismayed by the court decision. I've never been homeless and will never understand what it's like to be looked at with that kind of disdain and inhumanity, but I've worked in non-profit for a long time. It's insane to me how people don't understand that not everyone has the privilege of a safety net buffering them from something like homelessness.
Exactly what you said: "Where are they supposed to go?"
Thank you for this, River. It is so utterly frustrating how our US culture encourages those who are "productive," by cultural standards, to ignore or harshly judge anyone who doesn't have the financial ability to provide life-protecting resources for themselves. Your vision of wealth as a communal offering instead of a viciously guarded personal asset is exactly what we need. But that won't be possible until we find a way to encourage those who have enough to develop a compassionate awareness of how those who have way more than they need prey on those who live in constant precarity.
100% agree with you on all points. I don't know the answer, but we need to keep looking, and giving when we can. And especially taking care of ourselves and each other. The cultural hustle mindset is so destructive and it's literally killing us.
I'm glad you're writing about this. Over and over I'm surprised by how easily so many people assume there are family members to help one out in a financial crisis, or struggle. I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. "Maybe your parents can help you over the rough patch." Uuuuhhhh ... no. Some of us do not come from families with that capability! I'd wager that most of us don't! But that's not who controls the narrative, which makes your voice here SO important.
Thank you Antonia. It's wild to me that people have such a hard time understanding that others have different circumstances and have no safety net. I also agree that the majority of people in the U.S. have no safety net— it's just statistics, right? Most of America is living in poverty or one step away from poverty. I wish this could bring us together more as a country rather than separate us, but that's how the scarcity mentality works, as you know. So many people aspire to get rich rather than being part of their community or working together so everyone has enough.
Very true, and those with power and voice and platform are generally those who benefit from keeping divisive messages going. Not all, but probably most.
I’ve learned twice now the drastic difference in working for startups where the founder has never felt financial insecurity (nor paid for college, not grappled with debt). They just don’t manage things or make decisions in the same way. They don’t have this urgency to innovate in order to grow the company to keep the lights on because their lights have never been turned off. They’ve never gone hungry or had to decide between tampons or having paper towels in the kitchen.
So yes brava for talking about this issue. When I had a dissociative break and couldn’t work, all I could think was how goddamn lucky I was to be married. That being married to a kind person was my only line between me and utter ruin. AndI couldn’t stop thinking about how many of my friends would be homeless in 30 days or less if the same happened to them.
Amanda, I am so, so glad you were (and are) married to a kind person who could support you when you needed it. We all deserve that! Or to be married to a society that supports us.
I had a similar experience as a nanny. I worked in childcare for two decades. The folks who couldn't pay me a lot were the best to work for. So many of the families I worked for (with a couple exceptions) were wealthy and privileged. They would take everything they could get from me. It was called "job creep" in the nanny community. First they'd ask me to stay five minutes late, then I'd be staying an hour late (unpaid). First I'd clean up the kitchen, then I'd be doing all the laundry. They didn't even notice they were doing it because they were so accustomed to being served and rarely thought about the people who served them.
THIS IS ALL SO TRUE. 😒
"They’ve never gone hungry or had to decide between tampons or having paper towels in the kitchen." So much yes. There are far, far too many people living in precarity or just on the edge of it.
Amazing article. I am glad you are safe.
A few months ago an old man on the bus stop asked if he could borrow my phone while we were waiting for the bus. I dialed the number, he talked with someone for around ten minutes. The conversation was heartbreaking. I don't know who the other person was, maybe a family member, or a friend, but it didn't sound as if they were going to offer any particular help. The old man was explaining how he'd been at the hospital and hadn't eaten anything since they had let him out. He was unable to cash his disability check because the account had gone into overdraft and he didn't know how to pay his rent, which was due. He seemed so tired. As the bus came I fished out a 20$ bill and offered it as I took back my phone, saying I hope things work out. He said thank you. I think of him really often. There are more and more homeless people here in Montreal. People say 'oh well there are shelters, there are programs, they get food, they are fine'. They are not fine. We need to stop looking at other people as if they are a different species to us. None of us would be fine in that position. If our kids were in that position.
Thank you so much for sharing, Lidija. And thank you for helping that man. Letting someone use a phone is such a small gesture but can have a great impact. I think we get overwhelmed and think that what we do doesn't matter, but the smallest of gestures can really change someone's day, week, or life. <3
I think about this all the time. The one interaction with a homeless person that impacted me the most was meeting a lady who was asking for change on a busy street in Toronto, around 7 years ago while I was living there briefly. She was in a wheelchair with both legs partially amputated, I think she said it was because of untreated diabetes. It was a crazy hot day and as I fumbled around for some coins I just asked her how she was getting on with the heat, because it was horrid and she was out there the whole day... We exchanged just like two or three sentences and as I walked away she shouted after me 'THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING ME!' And I swear that sentence tore me all the way up. Like it wasn't the few coins it was just the fact of being treated like a person.
And I don't tell this to brag because I have passed by lots of homeless people without acknowledging them, sometimes I'm in a hurry, sometimes I don't have anything and don't want to get their hopes up, sometimes it's just uncomfortable. I'm not some great amazing person. I look the other way a lot, there are tons of homeless people in our area and I just physically couldn't take the time to be kind to everyone, nor do I always have it in me. But her words echo in my head so often just randomly. To live a life where most of the time you don't get acknowledged as a person. I think most of us can't imagine it.
I have not been homeless…yet. But it’s close. So close. An uncle and my dad were homeless.
I help the homeless sometimes. A ride. Some money. But mostly I try not to be a jerk to them.
And sometimes I look away., too.
Community is everything. Especially when you don't have a strong family supporting you. I'm an artist with not a lot of money, and I can't support you financially, I struggle with supporting myself too, but I send you the biggest hug from overseas. I hope you'll find a stability one day! Hugs from France.
Giorgia- I am sending you a big hug right back. You are supporting me by reading my work and engaging, and I'm grateful for your voice. I hope you also find some stability and enough to support yourself. <3
Thank you for writing about this reallly important issue. 🫶🏻 it’s devastating that so many US policies give more rights to unborn humans than existing ones. 😱🙈
It is wild, to say the least.
I was homeless for 6 months after I fell on ice at work. I couldn’t leave the state or I would lose my possibility for workmen’s comp. (I didn't get it.) I didn’t know anyone, didn’t have any money (a dental emergency a few months earlier and then a move had used all my money) and couldn’t go anywhere.
now my social security is 25% under the poverty level. the cheapest apartment here is twice what I get a month.
oh, and I was a nurse. but hurt, I had no worth. still don’t. until I make money, I guess.
You do have worth. Inherently. I am so sorry you are struggling and I know what it feels like. No matter what, you deserve more.
thank you and I agree. (I was really upset about that ruling when I wrote this.) I'm not struggling because I live with a relative and didn't mean to say that I am. but none of us should be one person away from homeless.
Thank you for writing this. I was also dismayed by the court decision. I've never been homeless and will never understand what it's like to be looked at with that kind of disdain and inhumanity, but I've worked in non-profit for a long time. It's insane to me how people don't understand that not everyone has the privilege of a safety net buffering them from something like homelessness.
Exactly what you said: "Where are they supposed to go?"
Thank you for this, River. It is so utterly frustrating how our US culture encourages those who are "productive," by cultural standards, to ignore or harshly judge anyone who doesn't have the financial ability to provide life-protecting resources for themselves. Your vision of wealth as a communal offering instead of a viciously guarded personal asset is exactly what we need. But that won't be possible until we find a way to encourage those who have enough to develop a compassionate awareness of how those who have way more than they need prey on those who live in constant precarity.
100% agree with you on all points. I don't know the answer, but we need to keep looking, and giving when we can. And especially taking care of ourselves and each other. The cultural hustle mindset is so destructive and it's literally killing us.
Thank you for writing on this! I’m glad things worked out with your landlord.
me too! Thank you <3
Thank you for this honest perspective, a call to reclaiming community and empathy