11 Comments
May 1Liked by River Selby (they/them)

I read an essay years ago on the "writing is therapy" idea that was clarifying. It said that it can be therapeutic if you're actively able to create a narrative of what happened. I can't remember how well-researched the essay was, but there's a level of that that rings true for me.

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That definitely rings true for me. Creating a narrative, even if there isn't any "closure" has helped me let go of things I was clinging to, for sure.

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Apr 27Liked by River Selby (they/them)

The writing struggle has helped me break through some big challenges. Yes, it has been therapeutic. 😌

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Apr 27Liked by River Selby (they/them)

I’m so happy and relieved for you both for your self love and acceptance AND your accomplishments. You’re an amazing person, truly ♥️

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Thank you, Sandra 🥹

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Apr 27Liked by River Selby (they/them)

It seems that your short hiatus from writing Navel Gazing was very useful. Congratulations on your quick progress, especially finishing your coursework. I'm sure you will sail through your prelims. I never allowed a student to sit for their prelims unless I was certain they were ready. Only once did I vote to fail a student, but that was for denying any need to understand a broad area of his subject matter. PhD programs are fraught with ups and downs, and I know you have thought about throwing in the towel. (I think all doctoral students contemplate ending their program).

I fully understand wanting more time on your book. I still see things I wish I could have improved in my first book, and mine was published 8 years ago. My current book is very difficult, and I have stalled several times recently. But I jut have to shrug off my hesistation and get back to writing. Even if you don't meet your current schedule, I think it is critically important to get such a personal book right.

I hope that you don't regret your Fulbright in the long run. Even though my Fulbright ultimately led me away from academia, I am very grateful for the transformation that the Fulbright enabled for me.

I'm at a stage in my career where I only want to write, walk, and play the violin. I gave up my consulting business to focus on writing. So far, I am not happy with my productivity and time management, but I hope to improve. I have a lot of friends who think about writing all the time, and I am getting there.

I am very much looking forward to your book and to following your adventures along the way.

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Thank you for this reflection, Tom. I don't regret my Fulbright and I don't think I ever will. If anything, I regret not just letting myself be there and setting aside the book for a few months to enjoy it. But that's life, you know? We can't go back. The past is only there to learn from- not to change.

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Apr 27Liked by River Selby (they/them)

You’re doing amazing job at life!!! Cheering for you!!! 🌟🎉🌟

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Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Wow, this grace you’re learning to give yourself to let go of judgement, to not write a perfect book (impossible), even while doing your best to make it as truthful and well-crafted as you can. Congratulations on getting to this point in the book writing and the graduate studies!

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Imperfect but whole. Love that.

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