This retraction has been amended as requested. Some of you may be aware of the dialogue surrounding an essay by Summer Brennan. In an essay I wrote, I wrote this about Summer’s essay: "In this essay, words, concepts, title excerpts and sentences are pulled from other writers, without naming them.” I misspoke. Summer Brennan did not take anyone's words or sentences without naming them. What I meant to say was that I felt she was referencing several different essays recently written on this platform as well as engagements from Notes. I thought she should have named Elizabeth Tai, and it seemed to me like her essay was a response to mine.
Dec 2, 2023·edited Dec 4, 2023Liked by River Selby (they/them)
I appreciate your generosity of spirit here. Being reminded to hold ourselves accountable for how we affect others, even unintentionally, is never a bad thing, though I feel you bear less responsibility in this than you’re taking on.
I hope you’re able to find time to be gentle with yourself this week. I went through a similar dynamic in a large Discord channel a few weeks ago and it really wrecked my head. A long walk with someone who understood what was going on, and also understood how my own massive triggers would play out physically, helped a lot.
I am a bit too close to all of this, having exchanged notes with Summer ( I will admit to being somewhat aggressive ). I enjoyed this piece. I'm sorry...but I personally am struggling not to take sides. I will also admit that I have some things to work on. Don't all of us?
I honestly don't think you did much wrong, if anything at all. However, this piece brings up a lot of good points, so thank you again for sharing where you are at. I'm here with ya. Hope you begin to feel at ease <3
You know my feelings about this so I won't repeat here. Especially since I tend to be very blunt and sharp tongued and probably will cause more trouble for me and you 😜
But I just want to say that this whole incident shed light on who has a good heart, is generous and kind. And that is you. I found someone to subscribe to that is worth my inbox. Hang tight, we are here.
I'm only today learning of this "conversation," although I did read, appreciate, and restack Summer's original essay the day she published it. Regardless of where I stand on the issues being discussed, mostly I just feel disheartened by the lack of space and grace there is to be fully and imperfectly human in this online era.
Thank you, Anastasia, for modelling here how I wish more folks would show up online and off. We are breathing, flesh-and-bones HUMANS. We misunderstand, we make mistakes, we disagree, we get hurt, we (hopefully) can still learn to make amends, forgive, and offer grace to ourselves and others.
Also, if I was SB (and I’m not tagging her here out of respect for you, Anastasia) I’d be more worried about the look I’m presenting cuddling up to a predatory ghoul like Sherman Alexie than what “damage” anyone like you or me could do to her. It’s pathetic. I’m sorry you feel hurt. I wish I could sit down with you for a pep talk. None of this shit matters. How we engage with creatures like Alexie DOES because mofos like that do real harm to communities in ways getting indignant on the internet do not.
You have been a radiant beacon of kindness and courage this week. I just want to gently offer an observation: it appears to me that the writer referenced in these two pieces has added harm to harm in her response to you. Instead of repairing the original harm, she burdened you with her own anxieties about her reputation. I’m not saying this to add fuel to fire, but because I hope in the days and weeks ahead her anxiety doesn’t crowd out the space you need to heal and recover the full rich expansiveness of your voice.
I wrote in a note a few days ago, “we don’t have to let other people write their stories onto our nervous systems.” I just want to offer my blessing (for whatever it’s worth! All we humans have are these tiny gestures!) for you to stay with yourself, as the events of this week continue rumble through your body until they find their way out:)
Anastasia, the world is a warped up place to those of us who ignore its jagged edges while voicing our truth, but don’t be disheartened by this singular experience my friend.
Accountability is a positive stance but in my opinion, you are forced to be accountable here for more than your mistakes, if any. I do not wish to ensue more negativity here since you already feel hurt and bogged down due to the lack of freedom to express your concerns. I hope you can find time to go on a walk in nature and make yourself some tea (I would have made for you if I could) because a good cup of tea can heal everything. Stay strong friend, more power to you.
it's so rare to read an apology of real grace and nuance and accountability (that does not also self-abandon), and that's what you've shared here. I know that it takes a lot of strength. I've been a subscriber for a while, I really appreciate your voice and perspective. Thank you.
Thankyou for your courage in apologizing and clarifying what you meant. I follow your account and Summer's and I will continue to do so. Both of you have cogent points. I feel like you are excoriating yourself harshly for a genuine error of judgement. I hope you'll forgive yourself, as most of your readers will. This must be very hard for both you and Summer. As a newcomer to Substack, this controversy was instructive. I hope neither of you will be negatively impacted in any significant way by a misunderstanding that is all too human and recognizable. xx
I'm glad that you, at least, are behaving professionally.
Let's just say that the other person has gone down significantly in my estimation. She has not admitted to her role in hurting other people's feelings (I was one of them) and her apologies were not exactly, well...apologies in my opinion. She was punching down while you were punching sideways if not up.
Ah well. I'm following you while she earned an unsubscribe and block.
Dec 3, 2023·edited Dec 3, 2023Liked by River Selby (they/them)
I haven't seen much personally of the discourse, but some of it has seeped into my feed via mutual followings, and interests are at play. I think I have understood the context with an emphatic mutual understanding of both perspectives.
I just wanted to say that, as an autistic person myself, I have experienced much misunderstanding, miscommunication, and misconstrued context of some of my words, meaning, and intent over the years of not having a diagnosis and even still to date. And on the other end of that, I have taken things up from others as accusations very personally and to heart when I felt I was being accused of something.
I hate conflict too, and I do anything to avoid it, but it is part of life. Sadly, I know from much-lived experience that it would take me weeks or more to get over it because I would feel physically ill and there would also be physical pain. I would go into cycles of overapolgizing profusely and then making myself feel smaller in that space.
I think your retraction, ownership, and accountability at this stage now are more than enough, are truly genuine, and initially even went beyond what most others would do, and I commend you. It may all have been one big human nature-flawed but genuine misunderstanding, and I do hope you will give yourself enough space to process it and heal from it now, as you deserve that, as does the other person involved.
This is a true example of the need for double empathy by us all in practice, I feel, and also of the divergent nature of our wonderful but also complex minds. But it is also a reminder of the importance of singular self-empathy.
Stay peaceful for yourself and keep writing as you do.
I hope you recognize the power in your original points, but so beautiful to make amends when harm was caused even unintentionally and to recognize the suffering of others when you’re suffering too. Just gorgeous.
I imagine you were threatened with legal action here. Seems unnecessary. If you haven’t already, you should look into buying defamation/libel insurance from Biberk...the only company left who offers this to individual authors, bloggers..as Substack grows...this kind of narcissistic over-reaction will grow...because people are making money directly on the platform and so ‘economic harm’ is easy to infer, imply and believe.
I appreciate your generosity of spirit here. Being reminded to hold ourselves accountable for how we affect others, even unintentionally, is never a bad thing, though I feel you bear less responsibility in this than you’re taking on.
I hope you’re able to find time to be gentle with yourself this week. I went through a similar dynamic in a large Discord channel a few weeks ago and it really wrecked my head. A long walk with someone who understood what was going on, and also understood how my own massive triggers would play out physically, helped a lot.
It takes a real stretch to read implied plagiarism in what you wrote.
I am a bit too close to all of this, having exchanged notes with Summer ( I will admit to being somewhat aggressive ). I enjoyed this piece. I'm sorry...but I personally am struggling not to take sides. I will also admit that I have some things to work on. Don't all of us?
I honestly don't think you did much wrong, if anything at all. However, this piece brings up a lot of good points, so thank you again for sharing where you are at. I'm here with ya. Hope you begin to feel at ease <3
You know my feelings about this so I won't repeat here. Especially since I tend to be very blunt and sharp tongued and probably will cause more trouble for me and you 😜
But I just want to say that this whole incident shed light on who has a good heart, is generous and kind. And that is you. I found someone to subscribe to that is worth my inbox. Hang tight, we are here.
I'm only today learning of this "conversation," although I did read, appreciate, and restack Summer's original essay the day she published it. Regardless of where I stand on the issues being discussed, mostly I just feel disheartened by the lack of space and grace there is to be fully and imperfectly human in this online era.
Thank you, Anastasia, for modelling here how I wish more folks would show up online and off. We are breathing, flesh-and-bones HUMANS. We misunderstand, we make mistakes, we disagree, we get hurt, we (hopefully) can still learn to make amends, forgive, and offer grace to ourselves and others.
Also, if I was SB (and I’m not tagging her here out of respect for you, Anastasia) I’d be more worried about the look I’m presenting cuddling up to a predatory ghoul like Sherman Alexie than what “damage” anyone like you or me could do to her. It’s pathetic. I’m sorry you feel hurt. I wish I could sit down with you for a pep talk. None of this shit matters. How we engage with creatures like Alexie DOES because mofos like that do real harm to communities in ways getting indignant on the internet do not.
You have been a radiant beacon of kindness and courage this week. I just want to gently offer an observation: it appears to me that the writer referenced in these two pieces has added harm to harm in her response to you. Instead of repairing the original harm, she burdened you with her own anxieties about her reputation. I’m not saying this to add fuel to fire, but because I hope in the days and weeks ahead her anxiety doesn’t crowd out the space you need to heal and recover the full rich expansiveness of your voice.
I wrote in a note a few days ago, “we don’t have to let other people write their stories onto our nervous systems.” I just want to offer my blessing (for whatever it’s worth! All we humans have are these tiny gestures!) for you to stay with yourself, as the events of this week continue rumble through your body until they find their way out:)
Anastasia, the world is a warped up place to those of us who ignore its jagged edges while voicing our truth, but don’t be disheartened by this singular experience my friend.
Accountability is a positive stance but in my opinion, you are forced to be accountable here for more than your mistakes, if any. I do not wish to ensue more negativity here since you already feel hurt and bogged down due to the lack of freedom to express your concerns. I hope you can find time to go on a walk in nature and make yourself some tea (I would have made for you if I could) because a good cup of tea can heal everything. Stay strong friend, more power to you.
it's so rare to read an apology of real grace and nuance and accountability (that does not also self-abandon), and that's what you've shared here. I know that it takes a lot of strength. I've been a subscriber for a while, I really appreciate your voice and perspective. Thank you.
Thankyou for your courage in apologizing and clarifying what you meant. I follow your account and Summer's and I will continue to do so. Both of you have cogent points. I feel like you are excoriating yourself harshly for a genuine error of judgement. I hope you'll forgive yourself, as most of your readers will. This must be very hard for both you and Summer. As a newcomer to Substack, this controversy was instructive. I hope neither of you will be negatively impacted in any significant way by a misunderstanding that is all too human and recognizable. xx
I'm glad that you, at least, are behaving professionally.
Let's just say that the other person has gone down significantly in my estimation. She has not admitted to her role in hurting other people's feelings (I was one of them) and her apologies were not exactly, well...apologies in my opinion. She was punching down while you were punching sideways if not up.
Ah well. I'm following you while she earned an unsubscribe and block.
I haven't seen much personally of the discourse, but some of it has seeped into my feed via mutual followings, and interests are at play. I think I have understood the context with an emphatic mutual understanding of both perspectives.
I just wanted to say that, as an autistic person myself, I have experienced much misunderstanding, miscommunication, and misconstrued context of some of my words, meaning, and intent over the years of not having a diagnosis and even still to date. And on the other end of that, I have taken things up from others as accusations very personally and to heart when I felt I was being accused of something.
I hate conflict too, and I do anything to avoid it, but it is part of life. Sadly, I know from much-lived experience that it would take me weeks or more to get over it because I would feel physically ill and there would also be physical pain. I would go into cycles of overapolgizing profusely and then making myself feel smaller in that space.
I think your retraction, ownership, and accountability at this stage now are more than enough, are truly genuine, and initially even went beyond what most others would do, and I commend you. It may all have been one big human nature-flawed but genuine misunderstanding, and I do hope you will give yourself enough space to process it and heal from it now, as you deserve that, as does the other person involved.
This is a true example of the need for double empathy by us all in practice, I feel, and also of the divergent nature of our wonderful but also complex minds. But it is also a reminder of the importance of singular self-empathy.
Stay peaceful for yourself and keep writing as you do.
Sending strength.
Your self-awareness and compassion shine bright. ❤️ the world needs more of that
I hope you recognize the power in your original points, but so beautiful to make amends when harm was caused even unintentionally and to recognize the suffering of others when you’re suffering too. Just gorgeous.
As my mother always said before the dementia kicked in, "This too shall pass"
I imagine you were threatened with legal action here. Seems unnecessary. If you haven’t already, you should look into buying defamation/libel insurance from Biberk...the only company left who offers this to individual authors, bloggers..as Substack grows...this kind of narcissistic over-reaction will grow...because people are making money directly on the platform and so ‘economic harm’ is easy to infer, imply and believe.