Especially this, for me: "I know that, in our capitalist society, I must sell parts of myself. But to whom, and for what?"
It's something I have thought about often this year, as so many aspects of my professional and personal lives have been in flux.
And this: "I am asking myself: if I want to be a better teacher, why would I stay inside of a system that encourages me to give less effort to teaching, and weighs me down with so much work that each thing I am doing is of less quality than I’d want it to be."
I am reminded of Tara McMullin's work on overcommitting and undercommitting -- how we are so often invited or required to commit to too many things so that we don't have enough capacity to undertake any of them in the ways we truly want to.
And this: "What I am asking myself is: what do I want? What do I really, really want? That is not a question I’ve allowed myself."
I began consciously allowing myself this question about two years ago. It changed everything for me.
Thank you for this deeply human and important writing.
Thank you so much for these lovely words, Finn. I am just beginning to feel into the space of "what do I really want," but I can sense myself moving towards the answer. So much of it is about simplicity, and yet I feel my whole physiological system has adjusted to a level of intensity that's unproductive and toxic. Moving towards less is a slow-moving process, and I am letting it be slow, trusting myself that it will unfold as long as I continue to listen deeply as often as I'm able.
You are doing some hard emotional work right now that will benefit you in the long run. If you stay or if you go, you will know it was a decision and not a trap. If you do end up going, I'd love to get together again before you leave (if that's not creepy, if it's creepy, forget I said anything)... and if you end up staying I'd also still love to get coffee again. :)
I'll send you an email! If I by chance forget, please feel free to email me by responding to any email you receive from me. It will come straight to my inbox.
This post deeply resonates, thank you so much.
Especially this, for me: "I know that, in our capitalist society, I must sell parts of myself. But to whom, and for what?"
It's something I have thought about often this year, as so many aspects of my professional and personal lives have been in flux.
And this: "I am asking myself: if I want to be a better teacher, why would I stay inside of a system that encourages me to give less effort to teaching, and weighs me down with so much work that each thing I am doing is of less quality than I’d want it to be."
I am reminded of Tara McMullin's work on overcommitting and undercommitting -- how we are so often invited or required to commit to too many things so that we don't have enough capacity to undertake any of them in the ways we truly want to.
And this: "What I am asking myself is: what do I want? What do I really, really want? That is not a question I’ve allowed myself."
I began consciously allowing myself this question about two years ago. It changed everything for me.
Thank you for this deeply human and important writing.
Thank you so much for these lovely words, Finn. I am just beginning to feel into the space of "what do I really want," but I can sense myself moving towards the answer. So much of it is about simplicity, and yet I feel my whole physiological system has adjusted to a level of intensity that's unproductive and toxic. Moving towards less is a slow-moving process, and I am letting it be slow, trusting myself that it will unfold as long as I continue to listen deeply as often as I'm able.
You are doing some hard emotional work right now that will benefit you in the long run. If you stay or if you go, you will know it was a decision and not a trap. If you do end up going, I'd love to get together again before you leave (if that's not creepy, if it's creepy, forget I said anything)... and if you end up staying I'd also still love to get coffee again. :)
This truly means so much to me, JSK, that someone sees and understands. And yes, to either one. I’d love to get together again.
Shoot me an email when you've got a pause in the schedule to hang out. I tried to find a way to private message on here, but I couldn't find anything.
I'll send you an email! If I by chance forget, please feel free to email me by responding to any email you receive from me. It will come straight to my inbox.