I just logged off Instagram forever. I'm 24, so social media feels hardwired into the way my brain functions.. But thats not true, brains are inherently plastic. What is hardwired is a system of exploitation, which puts the value of profit over the value of life, into the attention algorithms. It's really sickening to see how me and and my friends let each other become junkies.
I'm an artist and a writer and it's extremely difficult for me to imagine what an art career that's not inextricably tied to a large social media following looks like. But I'm excited to find out.
100% agree with all of this, and it inspires me to really go towards eliminating mindless streaming as well. I feel like we (older folks) did a disservice to young people by not regulating social media or at least educating ppl about it. I do promise that life without it is actually way way better.
I quit social media in 2021 after being diagnosed with autism. At the time I lived in a remote part of the mountains where folks lived pretty far apart and weren’t interested in being friends like I’d hoped. But when my doctor talked through the results of my analysis, she kept talking about registration and how mine is “low.” She said that means I don’t know I’m overwhelmed until it’s too late and I’m pushed to burnout or a meltdown.
And I just couldn’t shake this image in my mind: every scroll on Instagram was the same as a punch to me. I wasn’t casually scrolling. I was mega, autistic-examining every single post I saw. I was re-learning every post’s life story, in one way or another with very little in return. Of course the little twinge of belonging at the end is kind of what I was already used to in personal social settings, right? So I think that’s part of why I stayed attached to social media for so long even when it felt like yelling at a brick wall. Until I could really add up and see the harm it was just business as usual.
Your piece looks at the quitting social media side of things from a pretty fascinating lens! With joining substack I never intended to turn into a social media sort of gateway drug. (Though I am now considering a “billboard instagram” account where I just share art and writing tips. 🙈)I do think the longform writing and intentionality can help safeguard some things that make substack special. But who knows ...
Also I loved your phrasing around who you could be if you didn’t watch TV. I asked myself this about dieting ten years ago. It seems to be some good seed-planting pondering. 🧡
I so deeply relate to the way you engaged with Instagram. That's how I engaged, too. It was SO MUCH. And I would totally deplete myself without realizing it. And congratulations for quitting dieting!!! I think I have about seven years without dieting (and ED recovery) and goodness, it's one of the best choices I've made.
Anatasia!! so much in this article. Firstly how did i have no idea about the environment effects of social media, this is literally the first time i’ve ever heard about this and that kind of thing is my JOB! Second, I really feel you on the loneliness and connection you find on social media, I wrote about it recently because I grew up a very lonely, home schooled child without any local real life friends, going online at 8, 10, 12, 14, and even 16 was often the only way I got to speak to others my age. Thirdly, I’ve not heard people discussing breaking off streaming services but after a weekend of heavy PMS and spending hours on netflix to relax and make myself feel better i often felt worse afterwards, whereas i know there are so many other activities that would make me feel so much better. Sorry for the word vomit i’m on the move but this article hit so much!!
Thank you so much for commenting, Isabelle, and I feel ALL of that! Streaming often leaves me feeling unfulfilled. And I think that there is NOT enough conversation around the environmental impacts of social media, especially the endless streaming. I especially relate to your childhood experience. I wasn't homeschooled but I moved a lot and I was an only child, which meant lots of alone time.
Ditto to both Isabelle and Rey in terms of my homeschooling experience, and Amanda and Anastasia’s comments about Instagram and autism. It really is so validating to hear similar perspectives.
I’d also be interested in hearing how people’s homeschooling experiences overlap with complex parental relationships/family dynamics. Anastasia, I have always found a kindredness in the way you write about your childhood, though I am not an only child.
Thanks, Molly! It is validating to know similar people are out there. You know, you are the second person today to suggest to me I share about homeschooling and family relationships! Maybe it's a sign... 😅
I grew up long before social media or the internet existed. We didn’t have a tv until I was 9. Social media has only existed during my adult life. I use social media sparingly, mostly for professional, rather than social, enrichment. I quit Facebook long ago as the level of discourse declined. I’m about to do the same with Twitter, but am finding Bluesky quite useful.
I watch some TV. I really like the growing Michael Connelly empire - Bosch and the Lincoln Lawyer series. And I watch many Berlin Philharmonic concerts live.
The books I am working on are all consuming. If I’m not writing, I am following the literature, which in my field has exploded in recent years. I have set aside Fridays for a full day of in-person social interactions, including my Friday Salon of writers and artists, which is in its 10th year. I probably should interact with people more than I do (it’s part of the reason I enjoy Inspiration Station so much), but for now, I just want to write.
I’ll leave it to social scientists to decide whether social media does more harm than good. But I think if one has a strong mission in life, as you do, the fewer distractions the better.
The social (and neuro) scientists have definitely, many times over, found that social media is harmful. One of the links in this piece takes you to one of many many studies! I’m glad you seem to have found a balance that works for you.
Tom, I’d be so curious to hear about your experience starting (and maintaining!) a weekly salon of writers and artists. Is it an in-person experience? Having ditched social media for personal use (and also set aside a day for in-person socializing), I have found my community becomes hyper-localized. I loved this, but recently had to move for larger life circumstances. I now find myself missing the community I left, and joining them digitally doesn’t feel the same. Have you encountered that dilemma before?
I’ve been witnessing a rise in conversation about quitting social media. You’re not the first, third, or fifth person I’ve seen post about having a desire to ditch it all together, which makes me believe theres something in the water--or we are all just unanimously fed up.
I also agree social media is evil and recently took a two months hiatus. It has felt good. Really good. I felt more at peace. But, eventually, I started to wonder what my friends were doing--especially when my partner would show me the cute posts I’m missing--which made me believe, just maybe, I can manage social media and real life with balance. If you’re wondering how I’m managing, I’m not. I spent this morning scrolling in bed instead of committing to my morning routine.
This false idea of “connection” that you described is so deeply engrained in my brain yet I know social media is transactional now. Every view, like, comment, share, and follow is now a type of currency. Ffs, my attention now holds monetary value (I guess no different than when television was created and advertising became a whole new beast). I’m so aware that every time I look at a post, I am falling into a funnel of someone’s marketing strategy.
Social media just isn’t what it used to be. As someone who got started on social media with tumblr and Myspace--and the good ol’ days of Facebook when we all just wanted to know if you were single or taken, what we have no just doesn’t compare. But, I often think about the younger generations. I am very curious about their commitment to social media and what that will look like in the future. I am just grateful to have had a childhood before iPhones were invented.
If you don’t mind Pinterest as a form of social media, then that is a great resource for recipes!!! TikTok’s are uploaded onto Pinterest so you get all the positives without the negatives of having to actually be on TikTok. Highly recommend.
Okay - this. All of it. I’m 44yo and have (consciously and deliberately) never been on any form of “social media” until joining Substack earlier this year. I only joined as I followed Sarah Wilson here...because I enjoy her “Wild” podcast and love her book - “This one wild and precious life” (I promise I receive no commission for ‘plugging’ her here!).
I only have “real life” friends. I still write letters that get sent in the mail. My phone operates as a way to get me out of trouble if I I break down on a deserted highway at midnight. I even have the “internet” (Safari etc) ‘disabled’ most of the time. Reading “Stolen Focus” by journalist Johann Hari was so validating for me...he confirmed all the reasons my intuition has always led me to steer clear of most things cyberspace and - until Substack - all things social media.
And so, I’ve realised I’m going to have to navigate this site very mindfully, or otherwise, it’ll also have to go. This IS social media...and the introduction of “notes” really confirmed this for me.
I recently ‘unsubscribed’ to several of the writers/sites I was following here. Because it started with Sarah, and all of a sudden I was following about 10 (really interesting but time-sucking) newsletters. Diving down the rabbit warren had begun. Looking at a “screen” can never replace a good ol’ fashioned tactile book. It just can’t.
But for some reason, I didn’t (haven’t yet) ‘unsubscribed’ to you Anastasia! I found you via Rae’s infamous re-stack of your beautiful article. And since then, the way you write has really resonated for me.
And so, I think my path forward might be this....Stay as a “paid” subscriber to Sarah Wilson as she is really trying to change the world in important ways (she’s an amazing climate-justice activist for example). Her brain is like mine. She covers ALL the topics...we need more thinkers (and shakers) like her at this point in human history.
And my next move...I will also join here as a “paid” subscriber to you Anastasia. And this is it. I can’t manage to follow more than 2 newsletters/sites. My brain simply can’t handle any more than this. I also have almost no free time raising 3 kids under aged 7, while also working as a teacher in a residential wellbeing-focused program for teenagers!
So - thank you for initiating (continuing) this important conversation here Anastasia. We need to challenge the status quo. I honestly believe social media is responsible for so much of the social unravelling that the western world is currently experiencing.
And thank you for all the work you share here on Substack. Your life reads as an inspiring example of “post-traumatic growth”. We need more authentic and courageous truth tellers like you in our world.
I am so flattered, Claire! And I resonate with everything you've said here. Social media can be so, so dissociative. I think it helps that here on Substack there's more longform writing, but I also have to be very mindful with Substack. I make sure I'm not here too often and I really don't engage with "notes," which is way too twitter-like for me.
Like you, I also write letters. And I really value in-person, slow communication. And long phone calls! But letter writing- now that is a lost craft. If Substack goes the way of social media, I'm going to start a letter-writing newsletter...
I’ve actually been thinking of starting a ‘movement’ (aka revival) of the ye olde ‘pen pals’ era...
I want my kids to cultivate a love for both writing and receiving letters. It’s such a beautiful thing to find a hand-written letter in the mail.
I’ll begin today. Starting with someone from my past who I haven’t connected with for a while. And I’ll just see what happens.
What’s your postal addy?! 🤔....because if I end up having to abandon the (not-yet-sinking-but-on-the-verge-of) Substack ship...I’d like to have a few postal addresses of people I admire ☺️.
I’m not sure how the ‘carbon footprint’ of sending a letter from Australia to America compares to internet communication?!...but, you can’t win ‘em all eh? 🤷🏻♀️...
Oh thanks 😊....I promise I’m not a “psychopath” and won’t send you any weird stuff in the mail! 🐰😉.
Also, I’m such a Luddite - I don’t even know how the email side-of-things works on Substack...I’m assuming you can see someone’s email addy once they become a “subscriber”, and they’ll only receive yours once you write to them first??
Anyway...enough social-media distraction for me for one day! I need to go plant some tomato seedlings 🌱🤸🏿♂️
sorry to butt in, but I write letters sometimes, and I find it calming, because it takes away that sense of urgency that comes with texting or email. I just think of my friend and write what I want to say to them on pretty paper. I rarely get letters back, though!
I've been thinking of writing a letter to you too, Anastasia. May I get in on this?
Over the past few years, I’ve thought off and on about leaving social media. Then in August, a post I wrote on Facebook about freelancers charging what they’re worth caused a huge backlash and I lost control of my Facebook account. The powers that be at Meta were less than helpful in my getting it back and I realized it’s because they don’t have to be helpful. I am nothing to them, other than a way for them to make money. So I’m much more strongly considering leaving now. I love the idea of Internet-free days and making space for other things.
I'm a bit down on social media. I made the mistake (?) of posting a controversial video where I say I'm a nonbinary person, not a woman, a couple days ago, and I got so many insulting comments. So many that I wondered how many of the comments were written by AI, if that's even a thing. That is not human engagement. That is so far from friendship or community. I turned off comments and felt an immediate sense of relief. On substack, on the other hand, I feel like I'm having a conversation with people I respect. A lot to think about!
Completely agree that social media is an absolute evil in the world. And it’s also allowed me to make a career doing something pretty niche that (most of) the people in my local area have no interest in. It’s such a trap!
I have thought a lot about this! And I don't consider Substack as the same as Facebook, Insta and Twitter. Likely because there aren't ads and no one is stealing my data, but it also doesn't feel like a toxic place for me. I know it is "social" but it's not like the others. I also don't have the app on my phone, and don't compulsively check Substack. I do think Substack has the potential to be toxic, but I am just hoping it doesn't go in that direction.
I'm very much with you. I'm only on Instagram very very slightly (via desktop computer - a great deterrent for me) for a couple social groups, and I check it maybe once every 2-3 weeks. I *have* a Facebook, which I only use when I'm trying to find something used on Facebook Marketplace. Otherwise, I'm offline.
In a way, I'm fortunate to be old enough to remember the pre-internet days growing up. I was addicted to TV though and found my own process devolving from time mostly spent drawing and reading as a kid to just mindlessly watching TV. Then home internet hit the scene in the 1990s and less TV and then mindless internet surfing.
Further devolution when I moved overseas to South Korea and EVERYTHING was about the online hyper-connected busy city life. I basically felt like a connected zombie for most of my waking hours. After moving back to Canada, those habits were hard to break: social media updates and notifications, Instagram, Ingress geolocation gaming, FB, etc, etc.
Funny enough, birding and hiking is what helped me break the habits. I had been an active birder on the ebird app trying to almost gamify counting birds. I clearly remember seeing a small Black-capped Chickadee on a branch near me. The Chickadees in this area are used to people. I remember looking at this Chickadee for a minute or two and watching this little bird watch me. This bird blinked a few times, looked around then flew off. I continued on my walk and put me phone away and stopped counting birds.
A few days later I uninstalled that ebird app thinking this is stupid. I now tell myself to just walk outside and witness Nature for the experience instead trying to quantify and gamify everything.
I had the same experience growing up. For me, I think that my brain developed alongside TV- then when the internet came along I had two options for distracting myself...or several, if you count alcohol and drugs, which I used a lot of when I was younger.
It's interesting to think about your experience with the bird-counting app in a neuroscience way. The brain's learning pathways are plastic-like (although they get less flexible as we age). It makes sense that you'd find yourself gamifying birding, because once those neural pathways are created we simply slip into them. I picture them like a ditch. To get out, we have to really try. Your practice of experiencing nature is in resistance to mindlessly walking the same pathways. I'm glad you deleted the app!
I live in Florida where there are so many birds, especially in winter, so thank you for reminding me to go for walks in nature and listen to them and watch them and simply be with them. It's a good reminder for us all.
I read this after reading an article on “Billie” the AI “best friend/stylist” Meta launched that looks like Kendall Jenner. I was filled with rage and disgust at the blatant exploitation of young people with parasocial relationships to celebrities that are fueled and encouraged via social media. I closed insta to read some of my substacks and ended up here. I’m so happy you wrote this/shared your journey. Here’s to me and many others starting our own
Ugh I saw that too. It is so gross to me. As if the real Kendall Jenner isn’t already setting false standards for young people. It is so toxic; all of it.
I'm so happy I read this today! Social media has been making me feel so drained. I am also noticing that it's been incredibly difficult for me to focus lately. Like, I'll grab my phone to do something with it, then get sidetracked and I'll tap the instagram button and scroll for a minute and then completely lose sight of what I needed to use my phone for to begin with. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes! I put screen time limits on some apps but I may need to take it a step further...
Yes, this so beautifully sums up so much of my experience with tv and phone addiction behavior. Specifically tv has been a way for me to escape scary, hard times since childhood. It feels terrifying to let go of, but there’s this same constant nudge inside of me that helped me let go of alcohol five or so years ago. I know life without mindless tv watching is where I’m headed. How to get there? I’m not sure yet. I live with my family who don’t want to get rid of streaming services, and when I just tell myself I’ll stop solo tv, I cave and binge when life gets stressful. I’ve changed my relationship with it and myself to be more accepting and compassionate, but still long for the time when I no longer feel compelled by the longing and urges to escape this world and dive into another.
Oh gosh I relate to this struggle SO MUCH!! I ended up quitting TV for three weeks and wrote about that in another essay. It was really, really hard. And now I am watching TV again, and I want to quit again. My last vice, I feel like. I would really like to have balance, but that is very challenging for me, so I feel you 100%. <3
I just logged off Instagram forever. I'm 24, so social media feels hardwired into the way my brain functions.. But thats not true, brains are inherently plastic. What is hardwired is a system of exploitation, which puts the value of profit over the value of life, into the attention algorithms. It's really sickening to see how me and and my friends let each other become junkies.
I'm an artist and a writer and it's extremely difficult for me to imagine what an art career that's not inextricably tied to a large social media following looks like. But I'm excited to find out.
100% agree with all of this, and it inspires me to really go towards eliminating mindless streaming as well. I feel like we (older folks) did a disservice to young people by not regulating social media or at least educating ppl about it. I do promise that life without it is actually way way better.
I quit social media in 2021 after being diagnosed with autism. At the time I lived in a remote part of the mountains where folks lived pretty far apart and weren’t interested in being friends like I’d hoped. But when my doctor talked through the results of my analysis, she kept talking about registration and how mine is “low.” She said that means I don’t know I’m overwhelmed until it’s too late and I’m pushed to burnout or a meltdown.
And I just couldn’t shake this image in my mind: every scroll on Instagram was the same as a punch to me. I wasn’t casually scrolling. I was mega, autistic-examining every single post I saw. I was re-learning every post’s life story, in one way or another with very little in return. Of course the little twinge of belonging at the end is kind of what I was already used to in personal social settings, right? So I think that’s part of why I stayed attached to social media for so long even when it felt like yelling at a brick wall. Until I could really add up and see the harm it was just business as usual.
Your piece looks at the quitting social media side of things from a pretty fascinating lens! With joining substack I never intended to turn into a social media sort of gateway drug. (Though I am now considering a “billboard instagram” account where I just share art and writing tips. 🙈)I do think the longform writing and intentionality can help safeguard some things that make substack special. But who knows ...
Also I loved your phrasing around who you could be if you didn’t watch TV. I asked myself this about dieting ten years ago. It seems to be some good seed-planting pondering. 🧡
I so deeply relate to the way you engaged with Instagram. That's how I engaged, too. It was SO MUCH. And I would totally deplete myself without realizing it. And congratulations for quitting dieting!!! I think I have about seven years without dieting (and ED recovery) and goodness, it's one of the best choices I've made.
I relate to this.
Anatasia!! so much in this article. Firstly how did i have no idea about the environment effects of social media, this is literally the first time i’ve ever heard about this and that kind of thing is my JOB! Second, I really feel you on the loneliness and connection you find on social media, I wrote about it recently because I grew up a very lonely, home schooled child without any local real life friends, going online at 8, 10, 12, 14, and even 16 was often the only way I got to speak to others my age. Thirdly, I’ve not heard people discussing breaking off streaming services but after a weekend of heavy PMS and spending hours on netflix to relax and make myself feel better i often felt worse afterwards, whereas i know there are so many other activities that would make me feel so much better. Sorry for the word vomit i’m on the move but this article hit so much!!
Thank you so much for commenting, Isabelle, and I feel ALL of that! Streaming often leaves me feeling unfulfilled. And I think that there is NOT enough conversation around the environmental impacts of social media, especially the endless streaming. I especially relate to your childhood experience. I wasn't homeschooled but I moved a lot and I was an only child, which meant lots of alone time.
Isabelle, I was also homeschooled and made online friends my age. I was very online in my teens... I can relate to this so much!
Ditto to both Isabelle and Rey in terms of my homeschooling experience, and Amanda and Anastasia’s comments about Instagram and autism. It really is so validating to hear similar perspectives.
I’d also be interested in hearing how people’s homeschooling experiences overlap with complex parental relationships/family dynamics. Anastasia, I have always found a kindredness in the way you write about your childhood, though I am not an only child.
Thanks, Molly! It is validating to know similar people are out there. You know, you are the second person today to suggest to me I share about homeschooling and family relationships! Maybe it's a sign... 😅
I grew up long before social media or the internet existed. We didn’t have a tv until I was 9. Social media has only existed during my adult life. I use social media sparingly, mostly for professional, rather than social, enrichment. I quit Facebook long ago as the level of discourse declined. I’m about to do the same with Twitter, but am finding Bluesky quite useful.
I watch some TV. I really like the growing Michael Connelly empire - Bosch and the Lincoln Lawyer series. And I watch many Berlin Philharmonic concerts live.
The books I am working on are all consuming. If I’m not writing, I am following the literature, which in my field has exploded in recent years. I have set aside Fridays for a full day of in-person social interactions, including my Friday Salon of writers and artists, which is in its 10th year. I probably should interact with people more than I do (it’s part of the reason I enjoy Inspiration Station so much), but for now, I just want to write.
I’ll leave it to social scientists to decide whether social media does more harm than good. But I think if one has a strong mission in life, as you do, the fewer distractions the better.
The social (and neuro) scientists have definitely, many times over, found that social media is harmful. One of the links in this piece takes you to one of many many studies! I’m glad you seem to have found a balance that works for you.
Tom, I’d be so curious to hear about your experience starting (and maintaining!) a weekly salon of writers and artists. Is it an in-person experience? Having ditched social media for personal use (and also set aside a day for in-person socializing), I have found my community becomes hyper-localized. I loved this, but recently had to move for larger life circumstances. I now find myself missing the community I left, and joining them digitally doesn’t feel the same. Have you encountered that dilemma before?
I’ve been witnessing a rise in conversation about quitting social media. You’re not the first, third, or fifth person I’ve seen post about having a desire to ditch it all together, which makes me believe theres something in the water--or we are all just unanimously fed up.
I also agree social media is evil and recently took a two months hiatus. It has felt good. Really good. I felt more at peace. But, eventually, I started to wonder what my friends were doing--especially when my partner would show me the cute posts I’m missing--which made me believe, just maybe, I can manage social media and real life with balance. If you’re wondering how I’m managing, I’m not. I spent this morning scrolling in bed instead of committing to my morning routine.
This false idea of “connection” that you described is so deeply engrained in my brain yet I know social media is transactional now. Every view, like, comment, share, and follow is now a type of currency. Ffs, my attention now holds monetary value (I guess no different than when television was created and advertising became a whole new beast). I’m so aware that every time I look at a post, I am falling into a funnel of someone’s marketing strategy.
Social media just isn’t what it used to be. As someone who got started on social media with tumblr and Myspace--and the good ol’ days of Facebook when we all just wanted to know if you were single or taken, what we have no just doesn’t compare. But, I often think about the younger generations. I am very curious about their commitment to social media and what that will look like in the future. I am just grateful to have had a childhood before iPhones were invented.
Ah yes, MySpace. And LiveJournal. Who knew they were so pure??
If you don’t mind Pinterest as a form of social media, then that is a great resource for recipes!!! TikTok’s are uploaded onto Pinterest so you get all the positives without the negatives of having to actually be on TikTok. Highly recommend.
oooh thank you!!
Okay - this. All of it. I’m 44yo and have (consciously and deliberately) never been on any form of “social media” until joining Substack earlier this year. I only joined as I followed Sarah Wilson here...because I enjoy her “Wild” podcast and love her book - “This one wild and precious life” (I promise I receive no commission for ‘plugging’ her here!).
I only have “real life” friends. I still write letters that get sent in the mail. My phone operates as a way to get me out of trouble if I I break down on a deserted highway at midnight. I even have the “internet” (Safari etc) ‘disabled’ most of the time. Reading “Stolen Focus” by journalist Johann Hari was so validating for me...he confirmed all the reasons my intuition has always led me to steer clear of most things cyberspace and - until Substack - all things social media.
And so, I’ve realised I’m going to have to navigate this site very mindfully, or otherwise, it’ll also have to go. This IS social media...and the introduction of “notes” really confirmed this for me.
I recently ‘unsubscribed’ to several of the writers/sites I was following here. Because it started with Sarah, and all of a sudden I was following about 10 (really interesting but time-sucking) newsletters. Diving down the rabbit warren had begun. Looking at a “screen” can never replace a good ol’ fashioned tactile book. It just can’t.
But for some reason, I didn’t (haven’t yet) ‘unsubscribed’ to you Anastasia! I found you via Rae’s infamous re-stack of your beautiful article. And since then, the way you write has really resonated for me.
And so, I think my path forward might be this....Stay as a “paid” subscriber to Sarah Wilson as she is really trying to change the world in important ways (she’s an amazing climate-justice activist for example). Her brain is like mine. She covers ALL the topics...we need more thinkers (and shakers) like her at this point in human history.
And my next move...I will also join here as a “paid” subscriber to you Anastasia. And this is it. I can’t manage to follow more than 2 newsletters/sites. My brain simply can’t handle any more than this. I also have almost no free time raising 3 kids under aged 7, while also working as a teacher in a residential wellbeing-focused program for teenagers!
So - thank you for initiating (continuing) this important conversation here Anastasia. We need to challenge the status quo. I honestly believe social media is responsible for so much of the social unravelling that the western world is currently experiencing.
And thank you for all the work you share here on Substack. Your life reads as an inspiring example of “post-traumatic growth”. We need more authentic and courageous truth tellers like you in our world.
Much kindness, Claire ❤️
I am so flattered, Claire! And I resonate with everything you've said here. Social media can be so, so dissociative. I think it helps that here on Substack there's more longform writing, but I also have to be very mindful with Substack. I make sure I'm not here too often and I really don't engage with "notes," which is way too twitter-like for me.
Like you, I also write letters. And I really value in-person, slow communication. And long phone calls! But letter writing- now that is a lost craft. If Substack goes the way of social media, I'm going to start a letter-writing newsletter...
I’ve actually been thinking of starting a ‘movement’ (aka revival) of the ye olde ‘pen pals’ era...
I want my kids to cultivate a love for both writing and receiving letters. It’s such a beautiful thing to find a hand-written letter in the mail.
I’ll begin today. Starting with someone from my past who I haven’t connected with for a while. And I’ll just see what happens.
What’s your postal addy?! 🤔....because if I end up having to abandon the (not-yet-sinking-but-on-the-verge-of) Substack ship...I’d like to have a few postal addresses of people I admire ☺️.
I’m not sure how the ‘carbon footprint’ of sending a letter from Australia to America compares to internet communication?!...but, you can’t win ‘em all eh? 🤷🏻♀️...
I will email it to you!
Oh thanks 😊....I promise I’m not a “psychopath” and won’t send you any weird stuff in the mail! 🐰😉.
Also, I’m such a Luddite - I don’t even know how the email side-of-things works on Substack...I’m assuming you can see someone’s email addy once they become a “subscriber”, and they’ll only receive yours once you write to them first??
Anyway...enough social-media distraction for me for one day! I need to go plant some tomato seedlings 🌱🤸🏿♂️
sorry to butt in, but I write letters sometimes, and I find it calming, because it takes away that sense of urgency that comes with texting or email. I just think of my friend and write what I want to say to them on pretty paper. I rarely get letters back, though!
I've been thinking of writing a letter to you too, Anastasia. May I get in on this?
Over the past few years, I’ve thought off and on about leaving social media. Then in August, a post I wrote on Facebook about freelancers charging what they’re worth caused a huge backlash and I lost control of my Facebook account. The powers that be at Meta were less than helpful in my getting it back and I realized it’s because they don’t have to be helpful. I am nothing to them, other than a way for them to make money. So I’m much more strongly considering leaving now. I love the idea of Internet-free days and making space for other things.
This has happened to several people I know, and it really is a sign of how little we mean to them.
I've often thought that we don't mean that much to them but this really hit it home for me.
I'm a bit down on social media. I made the mistake (?) of posting a controversial video where I say I'm a nonbinary person, not a woman, a couple days ago, and I got so many insulting comments. So many that I wondered how many of the comments were written by AI, if that's even a thing. That is not human engagement. That is so far from friendship or community. I turned off comments and felt an immediate sense of relief. On substack, on the other hand, I feel like I'm having a conversation with people I respect. A lot to think about!
Rey, I’m so sorry that happened. It can be totally disorienting. Your whole self is welcome here. ❤️
Thanks very much for your support, Anastasia. Totally agree it can be disorienting - good way to put it. I appreciate you!
ugh, I'm sorry about the comments. That's the worst thing about social media. Hope you're feeling better <3
Thanks so much for your support! I am feeling better, thanks!
Completely agree that social media is an absolute evil in the world. And it’s also allowed me to make a career doing something pretty niche that (most of) the people in my local area have no interest in. It’s such a trap!
suuuch a trap!
Honest question: isn’t Substack also a form of social media? Are you quitting it as well?
I have thought a lot about this! And I don't consider Substack as the same as Facebook, Insta and Twitter. Likely because there aren't ads and no one is stealing my data, but it also doesn't feel like a toxic place for me. I know it is "social" but it's not like the others. I also don't have the app on my phone, and don't compulsively check Substack. I do think Substack has the potential to be toxic, but I am just hoping it doesn't go in that direction.
I'm very much with you. I'm only on Instagram very very slightly (via desktop computer - a great deterrent for me) for a couple social groups, and I check it maybe once every 2-3 weeks. I *have* a Facebook, which I only use when I'm trying to find something used on Facebook Marketplace. Otherwise, I'm offline.
In a way, I'm fortunate to be old enough to remember the pre-internet days growing up. I was addicted to TV though and found my own process devolving from time mostly spent drawing and reading as a kid to just mindlessly watching TV. Then home internet hit the scene in the 1990s and less TV and then mindless internet surfing.
Further devolution when I moved overseas to South Korea and EVERYTHING was about the online hyper-connected busy city life. I basically felt like a connected zombie for most of my waking hours. After moving back to Canada, those habits were hard to break: social media updates and notifications, Instagram, Ingress geolocation gaming, FB, etc, etc.
Funny enough, birding and hiking is what helped me break the habits. I had been an active birder on the ebird app trying to almost gamify counting birds. I clearly remember seeing a small Black-capped Chickadee on a branch near me. The Chickadees in this area are used to people. I remember looking at this Chickadee for a minute or two and watching this little bird watch me. This bird blinked a few times, looked around then flew off. I continued on my walk and put me phone away and stopped counting birds.
A few days later I uninstalled that ebird app thinking this is stupid. I now tell myself to just walk outside and witness Nature for the experience instead trying to quantify and gamify everything.
I had the same experience growing up. For me, I think that my brain developed alongside TV- then when the internet came along I had two options for distracting myself...or several, if you count alcohol and drugs, which I used a lot of when I was younger.
It's interesting to think about your experience with the bird-counting app in a neuroscience way. The brain's learning pathways are plastic-like (although they get less flexible as we age). It makes sense that you'd find yourself gamifying birding, because once those neural pathways are created we simply slip into them. I picture them like a ditch. To get out, we have to really try. Your practice of experiencing nature is in resistance to mindlessly walking the same pathways. I'm glad you deleted the app!
I live in Florida where there are so many birds, especially in winter, so thank you for reminding me to go for walks in nature and listen to them and watch them and simply be with them. It's a good reminder for us all.
I read this after reading an article on “Billie” the AI “best friend/stylist” Meta launched that looks like Kendall Jenner. I was filled with rage and disgust at the blatant exploitation of young people with parasocial relationships to celebrities that are fueled and encouraged via social media. I closed insta to read some of my substacks and ended up here. I’m so happy you wrote this/shared your journey. Here’s to me and many others starting our own
Ugh I saw that too. It is so gross to me. As if the real Kendall Jenner isn’t already setting false standards for young people. It is so toxic; all of it.
I'm so happy I read this today! Social media has been making me feel so drained. I am also noticing that it's been incredibly difficult for me to focus lately. Like, I'll grab my phone to do something with it, then get sidetracked and I'll tap the instagram button and scroll for a minute and then completely lose sight of what I needed to use my phone for to begin with. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes! I put screen time limits on some apps but I may need to take it a step further...
I found the same thing happening to me, which is why I changed all the settings on my phone. That definitely helped!
Yes, this so beautifully sums up so much of my experience with tv and phone addiction behavior. Specifically tv has been a way for me to escape scary, hard times since childhood. It feels terrifying to let go of, but there’s this same constant nudge inside of me that helped me let go of alcohol five or so years ago. I know life without mindless tv watching is where I’m headed. How to get there? I’m not sure yet. I live with my family who don’t want to get rid of streaming services, and when I just tell myself I’ll stop solo tv, I cave and binge when life gets stressful. I’ve changed my relationship with it and myself to be more accepting and compassionate, but still long for the time when I no longer feel compelled by the longing and urges to escape this world and dive into another.
Oh gosh I relate to this struggle SO MUCH!! I ended up quitting TV for three weeks and wrote about that in another essay. It was really, really hard. And now I am watching TV again, and I want to quit again. My last vice, I feel like. I would really like to have balance, but that is very challenging for me, so I feel you 100%. <3