We Need to Talk About Money

Something we...never talk about

I am in a lot of debt.

Are you?

Not just student debt, but credit card debt, too.

And I never thought I’d be here.

Before I went to college at 32 years-old, in 2012, I had never had a credit card and had zero debt. This was a problem, because zero debt meant zero credit. I had vowed never to get a credit card or do anything on credit at all, because my mom was in debt for most of my childhood and I was often the one fielding her calls.

I didn’t take out loans for my undergraduate degree. I survived on beans and rice for the first year and then, in my second year, got some scholarships that helped me, along with a second job. It was like this until I started my MFA program.

I bought what I could afford. And, when I bought more than I could afford, I was broke. So I stopped.

but when I started my MFA program I took out my first student loan (other than a Perkins Loan). I took the maximum amount because I was so fucking tired of being poor. I had no family and had made a lot of sacrifices to get myself through undergrad— working thirty hours a week as a nanny, server, and dishwasher, renting a tiny room in a friend’s house they’d later use as a little storage room, and buying all my clothes via fast fashion and/or Goodwill, often wearing the same outfit several times a week.

So when I got my first loan, I started buying things. I bought myself the clothes I hadn’t been able to afford, nice snow boots, a good, warm jacket for Syracuse winters. And I got an American Express card, which I paid off every month.

For the most part, since then, I had kept up with my finances, though I wasn’t paying on my student loans after graduating from my MFA in 2018, nor did I pay any of them when I worked a decent-paying nanny job.

Despite two years of living in Seattle, making decent money, I didn’t save anything. And when I had to have back surgery and lost a lot of freelance income? Well, a lot of it went on my credit cards.

Now, I am in debt.

I tried to get a loan for a car from my bank, and my income isn’t high enough.

With my fellowship and the PhD stipend, my yearly income is a whopping $28,500.

I teach two composition classes a semester, am taking classes of my own, and am also trying to juggle in this newsletter for a tiny bit more income. It’s so much.

And I still needed to take student loans, so I could pay off my credit cards, buy new things after a cross-country move, and pay medical bills from my back surgery (which still aren’t paid off).

So, this is what I want to ask:

Can we talk about money?

Like, really?

Can we have a frank conversation about how we as writers are doing financially?

Because I feel like this conversation is vital for our survival and our financial health.

Both of my parents died before I was 32, and neither of them had anything in savings. The liquid assets I inherited from both equaled less than $25k.

When I sold my book, I worked hard to try and save my book advance, but I also needed time to write, which itself costs money.

I am 42 years-old and I have no savings and no assets, and I am asking myself: how much of my life, and the time I have to write, am I going to spend purchasing things I don’t need? And what about the things I do need, like a car?

I am just starting this conversation.

But I have had an idea for many years, to be totally transparent about my finances and my debt in an online forum and create space for this conversation to happen.

Not to make anyone feel guilty or shamed, but just because it needs to happen, right?

Not just so I can see what I have, and what I need, but also because I want to question the idea that by spending money I am supporting the economy, or that by accruing debt I’m improving my credit.

Also because I want to ask: where are all these things we’re buying coming from? And what gets taken away from me when I buy things I don’t need?

So, tell me as much as you’re willing to share in the comments. Where are you at? What do you want to change? What questions do you have, as a writer managing their finances?