The Illusion of the Future Self

Reframing the definition of "perfect."

This essay is from the archives, first published on December 30, 2020. It has been revised since its first publication.

A World // Maximilian Lenz

Rethinking Ideas of Perfection

“Perfection” wasn’t part of my lexicon while growing up. A transient, unstructured childhood doesn’t leave much space for reflection or goal-setting. Because my mom and I moved so often, most of my energy wwas focused on surviving. Teachers had low expectations. There was no one holding me accountable for or helping me with schoolwork. With no previous benchmarks for academic comparison, any accomplishments, like placing in the county-wide spelling bee, felt like accidents, not the result of hard, sustained work.

Now that I know I was a kid with undiagnosed autism and ADHD, I understand why I gave up on myself, but the shame I felt when teachers questioned me about unfinished or missing homework and accused me of carelessness still lingers. It also informs my own teaching, and the way I treat my students.

When I…