I am not who you think I am
reflections on homelessness
The first time I ran away, I was twelve years old. You can read about that here.
By the time I was sixteen, I had run away more than six times, often leaving home when fights with me, my mom, and my stepdad (who she married when I was thirteen) got particularly violent. I was sixteen when I decided to hitch-hike to California with a man in his late twenties, and I was sixteen when I got kidnapped in Northern California, escaping after several long days of strange captivity.
A few days ago, I wrote a Twitter thread about having been homeless. I want to write more about it here, but I am in the midst of writing two final papers for my PhD program.
I guess what I want to say is: I used to be homeless, and now I am getting my PhD. I have been spat on, slapped, kicked, and raped. Being homeless is an inherently vulnerable state. Homelessness compounds trauma a thousand times over— not just the experience of having no home, but the experience of other people’s hatred and indifference.
Homeless people are human beings. Every individual is a product of our wider society, and many individuals don’t receive what is perceived as standard by the wider middle class/ upper middle class public. Those who are homeless are at the public’s mercy. They do not have to be “good” in order to deserve basic services and care.
I am often witness to the way people talk about those experiencing homeless— as if they are other. As if they couldn’t be present and listening.
But I am present, and I have been homeless, and I have watched people who would say they are “good people” look through me on the street, as if I didn’t exist.
I have also looked through people.
In order to see homeless people as people, we must see ourselves as potentially homeless. Because it could happen to any of us. That’s what I know for sure.
If you cannot imagine yourself homeless, than you are not living in reality.
Or, the reality that you live in is incredibly privileged. Deeply privileged.
You are one of the lucky ones.
Take your luck and do something with it.
Don’t spend one moment feeling self-pity about your privileges.
Fucking do something. Even if that something is taking the time to imagine yourself as homeless. To really allow yourself to go there, where so many live every day. Let yourself imagine and feel that.
Homeless people are killed every day, and no one hears about it. No, I do not say they are “houseless.”
No, I do not use the work homeless flippantly.
I am not speaking of those who call themselves homeless simply because they don’t want to settle in one place or another, so they decide to rent a place here and there.
Homeless people are killed every day.
Jordan Neely was killed on the subway, with bystanders watching as someone choked him out. And there are people on the internet saying: good.
Please consider that. Consider when you say: good.
Consider the skin color. Consider the gender. Consider the city. Maybe it’s your city. Consider yourself.
I will write more, but I must write some other things first.
Jordan Neely is Remembered as an Entertainer Shattered by his Mother’s Murder.
Failure to Charge Marine in Choke-Hold Death of Jordan Neely will Encourage Vigilantes.
After Jordan Neely's death, homeless advocates blame NYC's 'dehumanizing' policies.
Please consider taking homeless advocacy action in YOUR city.
In my view, the fundamental problem with homelessness lies in the cruelty and disregard by those of us who have not been homeless. We have become a much crueler society where people find it easy to regard anyone unlike themselves as "other," and not worthy of regard. This really began with Reagan, who emptied out the refuges for people with psychological difficulties, and gutted social spending
The current Republican party is the extreme embodiment of what Reagan started. They don't care if anyone is shot, or dies alone, or is starving, as long as they can regard someone as being less worthy than they are.
There are two solutions, one political, the other personal. We have to fight like hell to get these evil people out of public office and then pressure local and state governments to take the problem seriously.
My city, Lexington Kentucky, could be a model. Several things happened here in recent years. First, our largest homebuilder, Don and Myra Ball, created the Hope Center, with their own money. This providess safe housing, food, counseling, and job placement for men and women with substance abuse problems. Second, our city leaders began to seriously address the problem by creating a group of citizens to scour the city making contact with homeless people and offering them a way to a more stable life. The most recent census showed that, in a city of 321,000, there are currently 32 unhoused homeless people and about 1,000 homeless with access to housing. It can be done.
Beyond the political, there is the personal. People find it easy to avoid eye contact or personal interactions with street people (by which I mean people wandering the streets, perhaps shabbily dressed, but not necessarily homeless). This dehumanizes both parties. There are lots of wanderers in my neighborhood -- the Hope Center is nearby, and the men are not allowed to stay in the centeer during the day. There are also quite a few recent African immigrants who are housed but still finding their way in our city. Smiling, saying hello, talking with them costs nothing. Sometimes I make it clear that I am not giving handouts (I give to the Hope Centeer), and generally that is respected.
We need to restore humanity to our lives. We need to de-Reaganize how our society is structured and how we treat each other.
I didn’t realize when I was in the zoom last week that you’re also finishing a PhD! Thanks for the reminder to acknowledge my privilege.